W arrived at 19:40 and accepted the offer of coffee. I was upbeat and friendly, she was in a reasonable mood. Told her how good her new hairstyle was. She sat at the end of one sofa so there was no room for me, deliberate I think to keep us apart. We had a conversation about odds and ends. Then I was asked if I had find her teddy and I said I couldn't find it but we could go and look again which we did. She found what she was looking for. Bit of a wrench to see her taking more stuff away, but whatever. Had a bit of a talk about the relationship, she is still adamant that there is no chance of reconcilliation, not just because of her, but because her mother would disown her if she even considered it. I said that I was not wanting her to make any decisions or commitments, but let's be good friends and see if we can grow to like each other again. Only then should we look to see what other obstacles, like her mother would need to be addressed. Had a few tears and some home truths about how she felt I had mistreated her, as she saw them. I showed her the 5LL book I had been reading and told her something about it. Recommended it for her to read and she did take it. I had a bit of a start when she tells me she has an appointment with a solicitor next week. That is ominous, but I said it was a good thing for her to collect as much information as she could and that I would support her in anything she thought was right. During the tears, she was telling me how now she has just about all she ever wanted and all of her own choosing (furniture etc) and a house in the country, all things I "had denied" her. I told her how sorry I was that she had felt so unloved and ignored over the last two years and that although I couldn't change the past, I was going to be changing tomorrow whether she comes home or not. "Too little too late".
At 22:00 she left after telling me she would have to rush around to get her medications after work tomorrow, so I said I would get it for her. So she is intending to come over tomorrow from work to collect it. Got a hug and a kiss on the way out.
W arrived at 18:00 and was cheery. I was smiley and cheerful. She had a coffee with me and told me all about her day and about family issues from the disastrous holiday when they all fell out. As her mother hates the sight of me, I asked W if I could write a letter to see if I could offer an olive branch. I expected to be turned down, but actually said I could give it a try. Stayed an hour in total. Not sure what to make of the interaction tonight, I don't think it was negative though, just on a plateau.
Thanks, I am having trouble trying to interpret what is going on. I am on the roller coaster and I am too close to the action to really read what is probably obvious to others. My feeling is that W is regretting going off in a strop and events have overtaken her. Her mother it turns out, has paid for 6 bmonths rent so W feels disinclined to upset her by suggesting returning home, even if she wanted to. W is terrified of being disowned by her mother and of course, with her telling her mother how horrible I am to live with, it would take more backbone than she has to admit she may have exaggerated a little.
She has given me her new landline telephone number but still doesn't want me to have the address "Because you will be round spitting feathers". Not sure who she actually believes I am.
The situation is that she is and always has been surgically attached to her mother. They even have exotic holidays together. There is another possible input from a so called friend of mine, but W tells me it was her mother that paid (loaned) the money. W intends to pay it back in full and I wonder if this is what the solicitor visit is about, to see if she can force me to sell and give her 50%.
I have tried going dark and it lasts a few days before there is some reason she contacts me. The first time I did it, she tried to ring my disconnected mobile and eventually appeared on my doorstep to enquire why I had stopped talking to her. We had a chat on Thursday and I asked her if we had any little spark that we could build on. She "Doesn't know". I told her on Friday that I was going to the fireworks and would she like to come? It was umm and ahh, then, "Well it's not really my thing". Left it at that. Late Friday had a text about her brother being taken into hospital. I enquired after him at 6PM and got a response at 9PM that he was out of hospital and it was a false alarm. "Did you see the fireworks? x" Told her yes and shame she wasn't there because it was cold and would have appreciated a snuggle. Last thing Sat night I sent her a goodnight text with kisses and got back "Goodnight x". So I don't know what I am doing, right or wrong and if I am fooling myself that there is anything left. I have not contacted her at all today and had nothing from her.
i have my misserable life on my own, and im sure one day i may be happy again , in the mean time ,im finding it hard to deal with life in general and my own emotions, and i cant bear to hear you going on about how life is better now i have gone, ,life goes on and you have every right to now enjoy it, but isnt it a shame it took me to leave you, before you realised that there is a life out there, look at it from my point of view ,you did nothing with me in all the seven years of marraige and now ive left, you are living it up, took you seven years to do it now, and find out, you have had 18 years of my life and ive got nothing to show for it, you have taken my lfe way, and taken all my dreams with it , i just hope you dont do it to the next woman in your life, because you have ruined mine, and nothing you can do now would bring that back
I understand what you are going through. You need to go dark and GAL. Do not contact her for anything. If she texts or calls you, let it go straight to voice mail. If it's important then she will leave a message. Make her guess. Don't let her think that you are sitting at home being depressed.
