I'm afraid I may have shot myself in the foot yesterday. She went out of town for business. I asked her to drop off the minivan before she left.
When she dropped it off yesterday who do you think was with her? Her "friend". Another person who was going with them to the airport was also in the car. We had a bit of a stare down competition going.
My wife put the van in the driveway and wasn't going to come to the door to talk. Our daughter came to the door and wanted to see her and say goodbye. So she ended up coming in for a few minutes.
She commented on my staring at her "friend". I told her not to worry. I'm not going to shoot him...yet. She told me I am going to have to learn to let this go. Then she got in the car with the other two and left for the aiport.
Right after she left I sent her a text saying "Don't ever bring him anywhere near our home again."
I have my inlaws in town this weekend. They know about her cheating. I had asked them not to say anything to my friends or family because I am hoping to reconcile and am trying to protect her reputation. They are going over to my mom's house this afternoon to pick up the girls.
I am worried that my mother-in-law will tell my mom. My mom is really broken up over this. She keeps asking over and over why this happened and how can Lori do this to me and the kids. I am afraid that the spectacle of my mom so distraught and grasping for answers may make my MIL spill the beans.
I am also unsure of what to say to them tomorrow morning. The babysitter/cleaning lady/nanny told my cousin that she thinks Audrey is his child. My cousin is a nurse and asked me if I wanted her to find out about DNA testing. If my cousin suspects this she will probably tell my aunt. Who will probably tell my mom.
Also, my brother-in-law has connected the dots. He knows how old Audrey is. He knows when Lori was fired from her previous job. He knows that she spends an inordinate amount of time with him and travels with him for business. He has been telling me for over a month to have a DNA test done.
The question I am asking myself right now is do I tell my inlaws tomorrow morning. The truth will eventually come out. I have family members now questioning her paternity. Those suspicions will soon reach my mom. If she hasn't already had that silent fear.
My other view on this is that if I tell my inlaws that is two more people who know and that can somehow make it's way back to my mom. My wife tried to manipulate me before with the comment of if I tell her dad it will only hurt him and that I would only be doing it to make her look bad.
There is more than a modicum of truth in that a part of me would like to hurt her somehow in her father's eyes. I don't know if my telling them would change anything or not. She is a grown woman and isn't going to go to counseling or move back home because her dad told her to.
I would like to see my inlaws take more of a stand however. I want to tell my father in law that he is her father and needs to start acting like it. Tell her in no uncertain terms how deeply ashamed and disappointed he is in her. Let her know that he is not going to be supportive of whatever decision she makes.
He and her late mother did not raise her to be an adulterer, deceiver and manipulator. That no matter how hard things were with her mother's illness he didn't use that as an excuse to cheat. That he didn't walk out on his family because he wasn't happy. That her mother and daughter looking down from heaven would not want her to pursue her own happiness(selfishness) at the expense of her marriage and children.
And my MIL... she sent me a letter basically saying that she wishes there was some way they could help but there is nothing she can do. I know she feels stuck because my wife isn't her daughter. But she was my wife's late mom's good friend. I want to shake her and say what would Lori's mother be saying if she were here right now? You know what needs to be said so say it!
I plan on just being gracious. Thanking them for picking up the girls and spending the night. Tell them that they are always welcome and that the girls love having them at our home. I want to tell them that they don't need to feel awkward because they didn't create the situation we are in.
My head is spinning because there is so much I want to say. Somebody stop this ride so I can get off...
Finah and KML, you have both metioned threads where the husband and wife reconcile in spite of the child's paternity. Can you please direct me to those threads? Thank you.
