I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cat. I am glad that your ex was there to help with saying goodbye.
I found your interaction with him telling in so many respects. First of all, your ex-H obviously has you in his head. He's admitted that you are always in his thoughts. It struck me that the LBS is told to GAL to distract themselves from the bomb and its effects. The WAS often GALs by embracing a new, hectic, alien on the go lifestyle. Does the WAS GAL in part to try to get the LBS out of their head? I believe so. They also try to distract themselves from addressing the enormity of their actions by GALing intensely whether it be by embracing new friends, a new look, new toys. My H made two lucid and telling statements to me (one shortly post-bomb and one about a year later) - "I suppose I am just making myself busy with trivial things so I don't have to think about us. It is just too painful otherwise." AND "I have to concentrate on other things. I can't afford to fall apart". And I could?
Another thing that struck me, perhaps in a catty way (no pun intended) is that your ex-H's OW is not at all secure. Even post divorce, she feels threatened by him going over to your house to say goodbye to your beloved cat? Really? I notice that OP like to keep the WAS on a short leash/tight rein...but that's not our concern.
Antonia, I hope you see that doors are opening up for you and that this is a new chapter in your life. You got some measure of closure. You faced this head-on and have emerged with great compassion and grace. I believe that there is someone out there who will love you truly, madly, deeply and who will be worthy of you. You are worthy and don't you forget it!
