Hi Sandi, Bustorama, thank you so much for your kinds words and encouragement. Your support is very well received.
So, yes I am being treated for my depression. My wife and I are both doctors and while she recognized the signs of my illness before I did, I was reluctant to seek and receive care. My family has a well documented history of depression and so I should have checked things out a long time ago but truthfully my ego got in the way. Anyway, I have been medically treated for about eight years now. In January I moved to the west coast for my work in oncology which I was very wrapped up in. I was traveling back to the east coast every two weeks, then three weeks and then I was away at a month at a time. Being away and missing my family really put me into a tailspin of darkness and demons and I believe led me to the EA/PA. I sought MC on the west coast but wasnt really focused on it and my wife could see us moving apart. She inquired about any OW and I denied it. Things were not great when I was at home so my returning to work was likely a welcomed move from both of our perspectives. Long story short: after bomb was dropped by my wife I went full on IC, first as crisis management and then trying to find some answers to my depression/self-esteem death spiral. My IC and I have been working on that and how to deal with my kids, my wife, etc. I have also started CBT and have started to read as much on these things as possible.
I have been back at our home on east coast for the last week. Almost every day something negative has occurred between my wife and I: mostly resulting from me either trying to reconcile or being angry she does not want to. I sleep on other side of house and for the most part, have tried to focus on our kids. My W and I had a great talk yesterday; great in the sense we talked about our feelings and thoughts about the future. She wants to be good friends, and better co-parents but not married. I want, well you guys know that answer.
Sandi, Bustorama, I have read and heard about giving space, not bringing up any reconciliation and focusing on fixing me instead. It's slowly sinking in. Thanks for your help in that regard. You guys are great.
