alcoholic H decided he wants D

[25yearsmlc]

can't post much right now but will try to say a few things...

Sorry forgot to ask about this...
For the past 3 days...since i told him he could have the bed, theres a lot of back and forth texting going on...mainly about S but he, and i is adding little comments and cute jokes into them and they have been pretty constant all day up until about early evening,

this^^^ is positive and smart on your end. It cannot hurt you to be kind and banter about.

when i assume hes with her.

Do not assume he is with her AND OR that it's all fun and games with them. She has flaws you do not have and she has no history with him nor is she the mother of his child...

Stop negatively projecting. Put a stop sign in your mind when those thoughts come in...just STOP them in their tracks.

Ive been going with it and being chatty but it feels like hes pacifying me, he wants to be friends hes said and not have me mad.

They ALL say that!! Don't think punishing him will help you. Don't go there. His guilt is stronger than your kindness will erase--it's just the opposite.

The kinder you are (without being weird) the harder it is for him to do this. The angrier you get, the easier it is...

Its hard to go dark when hes going on about stuff....how should i handle this?

what "stuff"? IDK what you mean...is it R talk? IF so, LISTEN and get data...like you are on a spy mission to gather intel and "do recon"...it's valuable info for you, so decide nothing...just listen and process what you hear.

Just go along, or ignore anything that doesnt pertain directly to S??

see above^^^

It doesnt help, gets my hopes up and then when he stops at night i go nuts cus i know its because hes with her. I dont contact him at night but my mind goes crazy.

Get that stop sign out and take a sleeping pill!!!

He has not been served, still doesnt know ive filed and has not mentioned the papers he has since i caught him with her....im totally confused.

well that will change things, won't it? I would not hesitate to be kind then. When he sees those papers, HE will be confused AND HE will feel mislead.

So don't worry about "being too nice" while you know he's about to get papers.

We'll see how he handles it. But remember, if you filed for financial necessity, stay on message with that. Don't get derailed into defending yourself too much.

If you filed for other reasons, at some point you should address those but
IF THE MONEY ISSUE IS REAL,

then it's true.

And you had to do what you had to do.