Wow. What a strange turn of events. My stomach was in knots on the long ride to the therapist's office. We briefly talked about ourselves, our backgrounds and why we were there. H immediately went into his 'I don't want to to this anymore, I'm not happy in this relationship speech' and I basically validated his feelings. I told him and the counselor that I had held onto so much resentment for many years that I was unwilling to make any real effort. I also said that I would not continue to have one foot in and one foot out of this relationship. H looked at me a couple of times during the session but he remained firm in his stance.
After everything was said and done, the therapist asked if we would like to come back at some point within the next few weeks. Without thinking, I blurted out that it was obvious that H was done and that it wouldn't make any sense to set up another appointment. I think I hit him when I said that H was a strong person. That he always triumphed when the odds were worst, but that it was funny that he was giving up so easy now. H set up another appointment for next week on the spot. When we got back to the car he asked if I was okay. I said that I was fine. I thought I was holding it together pretty good. No crying, no yelling, but I guess he could sense my feelings.
After that, H wanted to go out. He held my hand when we walked down the street. I didn't read into it. At dinner, I said that I was surprised that he wanted to go back, even if it was on the pretense of splitting up amicably. He said that he didn't know what else to do and went into a long talk about 'us' again. I just nodded. He could change his mind again tomorrow.
At the session, H said that he was tired of lying to me. Said that he was okay with me seeing someone else. Said that he had met someone else, even though things were going good for awhile. I'm going to sleep on all this and see how I feel in the morning.
