He already said he checked his middle daughter and she is his. He wondered about his deceased older daughter and was advised to let her rest in peace (what possible good would there be in doing that?)
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Also the business she used your money to start with the OM is considered marital property. He only gets half while you and your wife splits the other half. If marital money paid for the entire business then its all yours and the wife. Get a lawyer....if it generates $$$ then at least they will half to settle.
This may well be true, depending on state laws, and should be pursued when and if divorce is happening. But if reconciliation is still desired, it wouldn't be the first thing that should pop out of your mouth.
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Who is paying support for the OM's kid??? She can't make you.
I'm no lawyer but I know that in some states, a child born in a marriage is PRESUMED to be the child of the husband. This is a sticky area of the law I think - designed perhaps to protect the relationship that already exists between you and this child. Legal advice should be obtained. If you love this little girl, and are the only father she has known, will you lose visitation rights if you fight to have the biological father pay child support? I have no idea how all this would work out.
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Sorry to say but its appears over so protect yourself and your kids and don't let her railroad you into a bad settlement and childcare $$$. The OM will gladly let you pay for her while maintaining contact with her as daddy!!!
No one can predict at this point whether it is over. A lot depends on your wife's state of mind, her character, and your ability to step up to the plate. You have both been through a tremendous, tragic loss. It sounds like neither of you handled it perfectly (who could?) - you became depressed and withdrawn, she sought comfort with another man. Forgivable human errors in a time of tragedy.
And, although I know it sounds incredibly awful what she did - having sex with you to cover up the fact that she'd gotten pregnant from an affair - you might try to think with compassion about how awful that experience might have been for her. She screwed up - BIG time - and did what she knew would keep the family together. She had to live with the guilt of that every day - I can't IMAGINE what that's like, watching your husband with your newborn baby and knowing it's not his? Being reminded every day of your screwup? It seems like the guilt would be crushing. Then losing a child on top of it?
I'm not excusing it. But trying to find some Buddhist compassion for the human frailty of it all.
As for the biological father - surely, if he had wanted to step up to the plate, marry her and father his child, he would have done something before now? So she might be telling the truth when she says they are just friends now - I don't know.
There HAVE been men here who have committed to raising the child of their wife's affair (and vice versa). I think it takes a big heart to do that, I admire that. I think it also takes genuine remorse on the part of the straying wife, and ownership on the husband's part of the role he may have played in their marital discord.
Right now, you don't have control over much but your own self and your own actions. Try sticking to the high road, setting a good example for your kids, fixing whatever you need to work on in yourself, and give it a little time. Be impeccable with your words and actions.
