2 hours before our session, she called me saying she wasn´t gonna show.And she didn´t.Afterwards I went to see her and asked what she wanted from me,Her answer:" more time." Told her I couldn´t do that since I´m moving on with my life.(I´m looking for another job abroad).
Today I picked up the idea to talk to her best friend.She won´t tell my wife.She also told me to move on.I´ve asked her what my wife has been up to lately.Apparently she´s been acting as a 16 year-old.Going out to bars with another friend, who is by the way only 23, having daily her hair done,useless shopping,buying stuff she does not need.However, money problems are showing up now.She can´t access our savings account:it takes both our signatures.She hasn´t tried though,neither have I.I also asked if me if there´s another man involved:she assured me there isn´t and I believe her.
Anyway,it appears to me she has issues,some sort of crises(so do I, but I´m working on it).She never discussed anything with me: work, our relationship,expectations,disappointments.She dropped the bomb and refuses to solve all these issues.What I learned is that she doesn´t open up to her best friend too.Also the sessions with our counselor did´t make much of a difference.
I left her friend´s place disappointed.I had been hoping for more answers.Passed our house on my way back and decided to stop.Took a deep breath and asked her when she wanted to file for divorce and split our savings account in 2.She replied she had to see if she could change shift with someone to go next Tuesday.Said she would call me.I left and started having second thoughts right away.Did I make a mistake.I still want to save tour marriage and help her anyway I can although it seems SHE DOESN T WANT TO BE HELPED.
Is this still fixable?!!!What do I do!!??HELP ME!!!!
To answer some of your questions:
why not?-easy, thought her "mood" would change again.
In a way can you see that you made it easier for her by doing that?-yes
so marrying was relatively recent. Why did you get married?- She wanted to get married,for it was just a signature;Imarried her a long time ago(in my head).I´ve asked her same question by the way,never got an answer.
how? -by killing every attempt i made to "fix" our marriage and ignoring me doing whatever she felt like without considering my feelings.
why on earth would you say "No"??-at the time I thought was a stupid idea and our problems would disappear by themselves.
What did she SPECIFICALLY SAY bothered her? Lacking friends and ignoring her are a tad vague. How did you ignore her?-basically spending no time with her,doing my own thing.(regret this deeply)
what have you learned about yourself in this? What are you working on changing in YOU?-I have to work on social skills; sometimes you need people,I´ve always been a loner.I can be pretty blunt.Im trying to learn how to communicate.
you see how you made it easier on her, again, by asking for what you feared? Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy... Mistakes are not tragedies but learn from them!-should have stayed,but I guess it´s too late now to move back in.
so what are you working on in YOU?-In a few words;become more extrovert/outgoing.
Is this still fixable?!!!What do I do!!??HELP ME!!!!
