W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[25yearsmlc]

Ugh! What a disaster! So says my SIL in a text yesterday when she asked how I was doing. "Getting things in order as I prepare to tell the kids and then move out."

I've arranged for a temporary place to stay till the apt is ready.

We will probably tell the kids tonight or tomorrow just in time for W's 49th b-day. Surprise! As a gift to herself, Mom has decided to walk away from her 21 year relationship with your father. Now let's blow out the candles and eat some cake, shall we?

Confirmed more of the EA/A today. Quite by accident but now with some pics/vid evidence, there is NO DOUBT!

I truely believe W is conflicted and probaby extremely guilt ridden as she should be but does she think I won't forgive her? Can she forgive herself?


you are mind reading & Projecting big time here. No need for that. seriously. Stop it.

As suggested I will be seeking the counsel of a L next week. Not because I intend to beat W to the punch and file, but because I need to understand rights and responsibilities.

obviously you do not have to "DO" anything. Just get information. Knowledge is power.


I intend to continue my DB efforts but also want to make the path home paved and smooth.

they ^^^are the same thing in this case.


As I tell people about our separation (theres no getting around this) I will be careful to not share intimate details so as to keep the path clear.

good. Thank GOD. It also protects you in ways you don't know yet, and it helps your kids for now. They WILL learn later on what really happened, but don't let it come from your lips.


But how do I signal top my W that she can come back, that it is not too late, that there is hope for us?

You say nothing.

YOU become a man only a fool would leave. You remain upbeat and positive about YOUR NEW LIFE b/c you know right around the corner are good things waiting for you...and you trust that.

You know your changes are real and that you are a better man for all this. Therefore of course good things are coming your way and you are creating them.

And you keep working on the changes you are making for you AND so if she looks your way

she will know the changes are real AND LASTING...

b/c at this point, the WAW tells herself that:

1) your changes are not real

2) if they seem real, then they are merely tactics that will cease and revert the minute you feel secure in the r again

3) if you keep the changes going and they seem real and lasting, then she DOES have a conflict. So she tells herself that it's "too late for you two"...

and the only thing that fights that logic is TIME with the new you being the new you.

DO not confuse this w/needing to be around her soon or a lot.

At first I'd have as little direct contact w/her as possible. It makes your changes easier to make b/c you are not constantly monitoring her to see if she notices your changes, which reeks of control and manipulation.

So to avoid that mistake, stay away for awhile. Not from the kids, but her.

Let others tell her what a mistake she is making, not you.

SHOWS those others you are a new man and that you now see, "that if you could do it all over again, you would do a lot of things differently."

God, what a mess!

relax, get information, expect no decision to change soon.

In time if she wants back in, she'll send out signals and we can address those then.

Trust me on this. She thinks you are there wanting a reconciliatoin b/c you make it obvious. She knows you are waiting around.

Unless you blow it by losing your temper, she will count on you as her back up plan.

((If you lose your temper she'll tell herself that you'll throw things in her face the rest of her life, and there's no point in her trying again and it will likely be over. So be calm and leave the house if your temper is going to control you.))


As you GAL and she sees that you are indeed a new man, a good dad, and that some OW is possibly going to benefit by that....and her new life isn't so great...

THEN she'll rethink things...