It's time to let go part II

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks JB.

Journaling

Today I'm feeling depressed and dispar.

Rick, this is a common theme for you. As you know, it's not super appealing to witness. Have you done anything to address your depression? Have you talked to an MD and gotten a prescription? What about group therapy?

You seem like someone who would get A LOT out of that b/c part of your problem is you are very lonely. Groups help. Is there a divorce support group near you? Look them up. See if the church has one.

Was thinking that my outburst with W in June and July was the perfect exit time for her.

so what if it was? enough already. You lost your temper. Have you learned to manage it better now? I assume so, but IF not, then put that at the top of your priority list. Remember that "Mistakes are Not 'tragedies' but dear God let us learn from them!" Move on....

See, I noticed that after she bought the horse about 2 years ago she became distant. At that time I bought her a new SUV. Been in that car 3 xs. We have not done any activities as a family in 2 years. So I guess she checked out along time ago.

then what are you losing exactly? I mean it is tragic if the marriage ends but it sounds like you needed a new one anyhow. Preferably with HER...


I also now know how resentful I was at how she had been spending her time. Too bad I was not aware of my feelings when I got angry at her.

so your anger/resentment surfaced for no "apparent" reason when in fact you were not in touch with your real feelings...that is sad Rick. But learn from this! And do what they call "cognitive behavioral therapy" where you learn how to adjust your emotions and YES control them...

you CAN be happy. It is not a mere happenstance. That's why Aristotle said "happiness is a virtue". It takes effort. But it is in our control more than we care to admit b/c it takes work.


At the time I got angry I didn't care what she would do. I did not want to live like that anymore. The only difference now is that we don't sleep in the same bed, no Ml and no touching other than that everything else is the same.

so what will be different once divorced?

No matter how much I DB she won't change her mind. Guess I got what I wanted. So why do I feel like crapp?

Rick, you still seem controlled by whatever mood lands on you. That's tough to be around.

I seriously doubt you wanted her to leave but perhaps at some level, that is what you thought you deserved??


You also read into everything and seem paralyzed by fears to the point where a question about the furnace or a conversation being initiated by you, is a big deal.

I would not read into her answering you so much as she's just being normal and not rude. If you get a chance, Why not keep the conversation going a few more minutes or ask questions that don't have a "yes/no" answer, such as "what made you decide to vote for x,?"

that way she doesn't just say a one sentence answer and you have something to build on...

Aren't there still issues from the past that haunt you, that have little to do with what is going on NOW?
[b]
If so, identify exactly what it is that makes you feel so down. And talk to someone for real, Rick.[/b]

How's the c going?

I'll keep you in my prayers Rick.