Living with groundlessness

[AntoniaB]

hey Kaffe Diem, I just accepted it :-)

Well XH went back into his tunnel. I'm almost relieved.

I sent him a note last night to thank him for his courage in coming here and facing me and the house under such devastating circumstances...you know, acknowledge the good they do and thank them for it. I also sent pics of the new things I added to the gravesite, a little cat statue and a solar light so the area glows at night. I said that earlier that night I'd been out to my favorite bar/restaurant and I had had a glass of champagne and sat with the staff when they closed and we toasted the cat's life. I also bought champagne on the way home, and I had a bottle of it on the grave, and a glass, (which was in the pic I sent him) because I drank a toast to his life last night. The other two things I said in the email were that I would not intrude on his life, but that if he was having difficulty grieving, he could contact me via email to talk about the cat, and I'd be there for him. The only thing I said that pertained to "us" was that I always had the instinct to contact him when I did something new, outside my old comfort zone, and that he probably felt the same (I know this to be true, actually), and that he should know that when he makes a change for himself that helps him become self-reliant, that I'm proud of him.

So I got back an email today and I think from it, he's back in the tunnel. It was nice but detached.

He basically said that he was glad that I let him come to help, and that the cat was a sweet little boy. He said "by the way you and I share the same profile photo of him on FB currently." He also said "that part about sitting with the staff after hours at the bar is really cool; I always wanted to be a regular somewhere, and apparently you have achieved that." He said that it was good that I was making my life my own as well, and he signed it "enjoy your weekend."

I thought it was interesting that he saw my profile pic...means he had to go look for it as we aren't FB friends. Obviously he wanted me to know that he had the cat up and not him and his GF right now.

He kind of ignored everything else I said and honed in on the fact that I was becoming friendly with the staff at a bar enough to be invited to stay after hours with them...and almost sounded wistful that that was me there and not him. (Years ago he used to say how much he wished there waa a local place where he could become a regular but we live out pretty far...this place is a good 15 min. drive from my house).

I think I expected the detachment and it shows me that he is MLC still...the trauma made him come out, now he's back in...he's a great actor, always was. Was the tearful act an act with me? Or is THIS the act. I guess I hope that this is the act and what I saw in person was real.

I think in the end it becomes easier for me to detach when he is detached, though, so it's probably for the best that he went back in his tunnel. This makes me wonder if I should offer that video. If I do, I will wait awhile before doing it.