Have you considered a sex therapist? Not just a MC, but someone who specializes in getting that connection back. Are there other issues that prevents your wife from feeling that connection you could fill us in on?
For example, if my H hammered me about something else, the last thing I would want is sex. Women have that heart/vajayjay connection that is soooo important. I would agree that the smoking thing would be a huge turnoff for me, but considering she also smokes that doesn't make sense.
You might also consider posting in the SSM section of this website, those folks can probably give you better insight.
