Living with groundlessness

[AntoniaB]

Thanks AJ. I feel very different in the past few days. And that feeling is getting stronger.

I think the compassionate side of me has taken over the side that has felt jilted. Maybe that is because there are SO many people in my life helping me and I think he lacks this. Yes, this is what he "wrought". He distanced, isolated himself. He is grieving among a set of people who never knew our cat. But I am starting to see that in some ways, he is being punished for his actions...and I'm not going to keep punishing him. His karma or whatever will come. I'm not part of it anymore.

I have told the mutual friends/family who are much more squarely on "my" side of the divorce that it is ok with me if they express their condolences to him if they choose. I think that they are feeling conflicted and don't want to betray ME by contacting him. But I sent an email to all 6 of them, telling them the role he played in helping me with bringing the body here and having the funeral. I told them that this tragedy has made me accept the end of the marriage, and that I believe that all we have is the present moment. In the present moment, XH is destroyed over the death of his "son", and by his own choosing, he is in a world where no one knows the loss at all.

YES he chose that world. But it's not our job to keep punishing him for his choice. I am through with judgment and retribution. It's an endless cycle of negativity and does no good to bring anyone "back" or change their minds. Their minds are made up, and time on this earth is limited.

Things have to be said before it's too late. I feel like my boy has taught me that.

I don't know if anyone will contact him, and I'm not going to follow up or anything, but I feel that I have done my part by saying that I'm ok with it.