A good friend of mine who has know H and for decades was just over, she's also a counsellor. We narrowed down what I'm looking for. I need to balance doing what is right for my kids to have access to their dad, but limiting my interactions with him. I do feel there that H does take advantage of my easy going nature, and this is where I need some bounderies. We can be friends, but I won't be a door mat. "Doormat"? I don't see that at all. Seems to me within ONE month of discovering an affair, you moved out of the house and now you live away from him, you took the kids and you live in a nice house surrounded by your friends and family.
He has lost everything...and no matter what HE does or says or for how long
your inability or refusal to forgive is at least partly why you are divorcing...
I do not mean to judge. I am sorry if that sounds harsh
but I hate seeing punitive measures being defended and then justified permanently. I think YOU are now having your own MLC...it happens more often than you realize.
She had me list 3 things that would help. 1. He needs to pick up the kids on his Friday's on time, or have his parents. 2. During the week,he can come to my house and spend time with the kids, but I will go out, or he can take them out. There will be a set time when he will leave. 3. (I'm still working on the details, but to act more like a guest in my home...not just come in and start going through my fridge etc) I'm not punishing him, but need to have some breathing room. really? you don't have enough time without him around already? He lives 2 hours away... Do these boundaries seem reasonable? Any thoughts, please share.
well, this is a pro marriage site. It's hard for me not to see chunks of this as being punitive.
Seems to me you ought to at least own that this is NOT about his affair anymore...b/c if it is, then you are refusing to forgive him, and I don't know what work you have done seeking out info on that. It's a learned skill bc I never saw it growing up.
Read Endeavor's thread for examples of the legacy of forgiveness and committment and redemption, that she is giving her children as she and her h work thru his affair and his failings AND HER ownership of her own role in it as they rebuild a new and better m....
Have you owned your own role in any of this? I admit not reading your whole thread. But you asked for feedback...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
