Good man! That's not the old NYCPeter whose posts I used to read. Either you've really embraced this or you know how to write about it now. My W also described her EA as insignificant, which it obviously was not.
You seem to be handling this much better than I did. One thing that happened to me is that I would get "triggered" by innocuous things that would make me think about OM and what had happened. At that point, I would get deeply depressed.
That's not entirely gone away, but the depressions are now much longer in between and don't last as long when they occur. My IC said that unfortunately, the intensity is the last thing to go, so although they are shorter they are just as intense.
It's also good that your W's EA was "on again off again", sounds like she wasn't entirely committed to it. My W was "fully in", telling OM "ILY" and pushing / pursuing for more.
Good job on your realizations NYCPeter, keep it up!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
At some point, maybe you aren't ready for it but I highly suggest the "after the affair" book. I know things are still raw, but it gave me valuable insight to my wife's EA.
It also helped me along the road to forgiveness. Because regardless of what happens, you can't hold onto the anger you feel forever. it's okay now and I completely understand it.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
2TP - I understand there may be bumps, just that if there are positive signs tonight it will mean that she is softening further rather than hardening her resolve after thinking about it.
A - I'm sure there were triggers last night - I recall asking if she wore her W ring when with these guys, whether she thought about our girls. I stopped there and regretted saying those things as soon as they were out of my mouth.
H - I almost feel like I have forgiven her. I'll definitely pick up a copy of the book in the future.
One other thing I recall which I regret - is that she has surrounded herself with friends who support her decision (this was because she told me she was upset with her aunt who told her she was crazy). I said if I considered having an A my friends would "rip my head off".
I also said that I want this to be a watershed in our M and that it's a way for us to to start afresh.
Things are coming back to me that I regret saying - but what is said is done.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
Starting a new thread as this one is bound to be locked...
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
