I am guessing this is going to a long journey based on some of the other posts, so I will call this the first chapter. I've been reading and trying decide if I belong here. The answer of course is yes, I do.
I've been married to my H for 17 years and together for 20. We have 2 children together and have had our share of ups and downs. About 5 years into our marriage H had an A that I discovered which resulted in a 1 yr separation. It was very difficult but after some counseling we reconciled but I wonder if we truly dealt with the core issues at that time, and stopped counseling. I still had trust issues that were not dealt with and just tried to white knuckle through any uncomfortable feelings I had over the years because in his eyes I should be over it now.
He did cut off all ties with OW and actually changed jobs to help fully cut ties.
So fast forward to the past year specifically. We have been growing in different directions. I feel as if he is having a mid life crisis, wanting to party all the time, go away on multiple 'guys weekends' but to excess almost. Even when he is home, much of the responsibilities fall on me. I guess I have somewhat done that to myself, by taking them on and not wanting an argument if I ask for help.
He has been distant and moody, and when I tried to discuss it would make him angry. I was pursuing, I know that now. Most recently we were in the garage having a disagreement and trying to avoid the kids hearing us. I mentioned that his behavior was eerily similar to the time when he was having an A, and do I have anything to be concerned about.
When we went inside, the kids were obviously shaken (they are 17 and 15). Turns out my 15 yr old heard us through the wall and was visibly upset. He is extremely angry with my H and is having trouble talking to him/looking at him. I explained that it was not meant for their ears, it was a long time ago and we are trying to work on some things. I also said that no matter what their father loves them very much.
At this point my H grabbed my hand and looked at the ground, it killed him to think the kids were angry or hurt.
S17 told me he was disappointed in me that I didn't talk to him. He feels like an adult and doesn't understand that boundary. S15 said 'I don't know why you didn't leave a long time ago'. He doesn't understand fully that it is not always black/white
This all happened on the weekend. I am traveling for work this week and they are all home. H is trying to be there for the kids more and S15 is still "edgy" according to H.
I received a few texts while away and I called the kids daily.
I am heading home tonight and nervous to say the least.
Sorry this first post is so long. Just overwhelmed I suppose.
