Yesterday was interesting. H came home approximately 1 1/2 hour late. Said he had to do something with his cell phone but I saw a receipt for a plunger in the car from a store that is not along his usual route home. Don't want to read into it, but if he was doing a favor for a friend or relative he would usually tell me about it.
Every night he's been asking me if I want to watch a movie or a TV show with him. I rarely get calls or texts from him while he is at work - just the obligatory 'I'm on my way home do you need anything?' calls. He's definitely disconnected again, but that's okay.
Have about 2/3 of the deep cleaning done and looking to finish the rest this weekend. Staying on the same schedule each day is helping, but the closer it comes to the counseling session, the more nervous I get. I don't want it to get ugly, but I can really only control my own actions. Don't want it to be rehearsed either.
Couples counseling always has a seemingly better impact on him than it does on me. He wants to be close to me, apologetic, while I am reeling inside. Don't want to rehash the past, but we have to explain our problems and circumstances to this new counselor.
I still need to find a church to attend on Sunday. I have two in mind, but I feel weird about just showing up. Plus, I have to find out what time services start. Need to make sure the girls have dress shoes that fit today or else I'll need to go shopping tonight.
I keep telling myself that I'm holding it together pretty good but I am a wreck inside at times. Taking care of my obligations while still trying to find the time to work on me. Everyday I am dressed and well groomed. I am pleasant, but I don't ask him any questions. This is hard.
He's been talking about our planned move, and I stupidly responded like everything was still going according to plan. I'll have to clarify my position at the counseling session. No, I do not know where I am going. Just like he told me he was thinking about moving to all of these random places this past summer - without the kids - he has no control over where I move in order to be financially stable. That's what happens when people make decisions that threaten the stability of their families.
