Back home - but for how long?

[NYCPeter]

Well - That didn't turn out as intended, I really tried but emotions got the better of me.

I couldn't sleep - my W asked what was wrong, and I said I wanted to know her state of mind re: our R. She said nothing for a while and then said - she has set an appointment for the 15th with a L. I asked her again if there was someone else, she said no.

I'm doing the best I can to remember the convo -
Me - W, has there ever been someone else.
W - What do you mean
Me - I know you too well, there is something going on.
W - There was someone I kissed a while back, but he's since left the country (deported).
Me - Who? For how long?
W - Why do you need to know.
Me - Because I want to know.
W - I'm not telling you.
Me - Is that it
W - Yes
Me - Why are you lying to me?
W - I'm not
Me - Who is C-Dawg
W - Carlos
Me - What's going on with Carlos
W - Nothing he's just a friend
Me - If he's just a friend, why is it hard to "be more than friends with a crazy person" and "you keep coming back"
W - He's just a friend
Me - If he's just a friend why does he text you late at night, why are you chasing him
W - Why have you been reading my FB messages
Me - In the grand scheme of things is that really important?
W - Nothing has happened.
Me - But you are having an EA with him and you had one in the past.
W - Yes
Me - I know I created an atmosphere that drove you to do this and for that I am sorry. I want to work on our M and want to make it stronger than it's ever been.
W - I have been trying
Me - W, I know you are conflicted, but trying means not being in an EA when you are trying. Marraiges don't consist of 3 people....
W - You are right
Me - I really don't want you to go to a L,
W - Well it's not till the 15th, I may change my mind by then.
Me - I don't think there is a need to get L's involved.
Some more talk then my w joked....
W - Do you want to have sex
Me - Sure I do, I'm horny
W - Laughed and said, we will one day...

Can't remember much else - I then said, well I'm going to sleep.
She came over my side of the bed and hugged me and stayed that way all night.

I don't regret all this being out in the open - maybe being in the open has relieved some of the stress and guilt she feels and also shows her I'm still willing to comtinue working on the M. It also makes me feel better about myself that I knew something was going on and that I confronted it.

I won't see her tonight as she will leave for work before I get home - the girls are staying with the in-laws and I'm meeting a friend for dinner before going home.

I went against the advice on the board but it really felt like the right thing to do. She has admitted to 2 EA's - she has set up an appointment with a L for 11 days time.

I can hold my head up and say I did not break my vows.
I can hold my head up and say I supported my W and girls in the best way I knew how.
I can hold my head up and say I did what I could to save my M within my code of ethics.

I'm sorry - I feel like I have let the folks on this board down but IF she wants to end the M because of the guilt and felt I would never forgive she now knows differently. She already set the appointment with the L so it's not as if I've driven her quicker to D.