I'm still here part III

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

I am very much looking forward to the weekend.
Tomorrow night I am going out with friends to a dueling piano bar and I am excited to go. Only 1 of us in the group has been there and she said it is so much fun.

I have not been served my D papers yet, if I know my H he will wait until the last possible minute to do it. Every day I approach my mailbox with anxiety. I don't want to receive them but I also want to get it over with.

[Valeska19]

I agree with you friend, dueling piano bars are great!

As far as the papers go.. what is healthy for DG?
You mentioned that your H waits to the last minute (so can relate).. so by allowing him to take care of this - would that be a 180 for you or a 180 you would like to make?

I remember when my wife said she was going to do the asset list.. I let her do it because it was a 180 for me to not take care of it. It hurt like hell, a ton of anxiety, and deep down I was hoping she would procrastinate to the point of changing her mind.

Well obviously that didn't happen.. I got one.

BUT I don't regret doing that. That baby step was one of many I have taken to get back control in my life. To stop doing things I never wanted to do.

I didn't think it was healthy at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 and it was totally worth it to get me closer to where I am now.

Now is the time you will have to start digging even deeper DG. Because after 8 months, you are going to start having contact with you H to deal with this sh!t.

How do you wish to handle it? Who do you want to be in this process?
(((( ))))

[jbnati]

DG,

I know all about that anxious feeling. For quite some time now, I have been waiting for the draft settlement from my W. Before we had our discussion about a month ago, I was constantly checking my home email and holding my breath. I am still guilty of only going to the mailbox every so often. I hate that feeling.

Unfortunately, I don't think your H knows who he is really D'ing. It's like he's D'ing DG 1.0, but you're at DG 5.0 right now as far as you've come.

However, ^^^^ I think Val has some pretty good stuff up above.

I hope you have a great time this weekend. Tear it up!

((( )))

[~¤DG¤~]

Valeska,

Having him take care of this is a complete 180 for me. Like you, I always took care of everything. Partly because he was somewhat lazy, but mostly because of my need to control.

I don't want to control ANYTHING or ANYONE anymore but ME.

Our D will actually be quite simple. We have no kids, no property, no nothing to divide so it should be pretty easy. That is my hope anyway.
I think the anxiety comes from this not wanting to happen, and another day with no D papers means another day that H is still my H, even if it's just on paper.

[~¤DG¤~]

H's phone was shut off today.
Now I won't be tempted to look at who he is talking/texting.

I feel relieved.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

I GAL something fierce last night!
Like I mentioned before, we went to a dueling piano bar last night and it was so much FUN! We laughed, we danced, we stayed out very late and just had a fantastic time.

I received a msg on FB from stbx last night. No words, just a face.
Then, he msg'd me this morning thanking me for making my profile pic of me and another man so he had to look at it.

WTF!!!!!!!

I wasn't going to msg him back, but I did.
I told him the guy in the pic is a friend, and if he thought I would do something like that just to upset him then he doesn't know me at all.
Why I felt I needed to defend myself, I don't know.

[realormakebeliev]

Geez, your STBX is a piece of work, isn't he? Maybe he's ticked because he had to get his own phone service. It sounds a little like,' I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, either'. My H does that, too. I will never understand how they can treat us with such disdain and then get territorial.

So glad you had fun last night! I think GALing truly keeps us sane. I've been thinking about you, DG, and keeping you in my prayers!

[~¤DG¤~]

He probably is ticked, but he knew this would happen eventually.

This whole passive-agressive attitude bothers me. I know I shouldn't let it, but it does.

Thank you for the prayers. I really appreciate it!

[Valeska19]

DG,
It's okay that his passive-aggressive attitude bothers you. What he did was.. well..

If you feel your text was ONLY defending yourself.. so be it. If there was more to it.. be honest with yourself.

I only ask those questions because of the severe rejection I went through when w "abandoned our relationship" so I would stay stuff just hoping for some kind of response.

Regardless.

You don't owe him any kind of response. You don't need to defend yourself. You know your heart. That was his insecurities.

Okay.. HOWEVER.. I'll bet that it still hurt him that you shut off the phone.

So he baited you and you took it.. IMHO (sorry for the small 2x4).

I was sitting in my car last night with a g/f. She is going through a break-up and she started to cry because b/f reacted immaturely to her FB status.. which she was reacting immaturely to previous post by him.

And I was like "why are you upset that he commented when you started it". Obviously I'm still learning tact.

I'm not saying you started it, but DG.. don't finish it. Recognize your pain AND his.

As you start sticking up for yourself, your H is going to push back. All of his flaws, insecurities, BS will come up in the form of anger, guilt, kindness, and who knows what.

I remember when my w took out money from our account. That women spewed venom at me for a whole month. I kept my ground but I also showed compassion to her feelings.

Yesterday.. w gave back that money.

It's up to you to get yourself prepared.. and figuring out who you want to be here. Because it may not happen today, tomorrow, months, or even years from now.. but I guarantee you that it WILL matter.

[~¤DG¤~]

V-

As God as my witness, I did not post that pic to bait him in any way. We are not FB friends, nor is he friends with the people I was with last night. He found it because he sent me that msg and when you send someone a msg you can see their profile pic. (Which I'm sure you know)

It really bothered me that he got upset with me, I feel like he knows how to get to me. He was the one who wanted things to be this way.

In all honesty, I don't know why we are even getting a D. I seriously thought about sending him a msg asking him to stop it, but then I ask myself why set myself up for rejection? He's known this whole time I didn't want to D and it didn't stop him from filing.
I just need to accept that it is over.

Should I ask him to stop the D?