Looking for the silver lining...

[irishblessings]

Class 12 of 13 in divorce care - topic tonight reconciliation. Wow! The course talks about reconciliation in 2 ways - reconciling in marriage / reconciling in friendship. Lots to think about. There was also a couple who shared their testimony of reconciliation. Very inspiring.

I have been doing a lot of reflection lately about biblical and religious beliefs on divorce and dating/remarriage. While I've spent a lot of time reading Christian based books on the topic, I hadn't studied much from the Catholic church. It was very overwhelming.

I am trying to come to terms with my OWN beliefs. Tonight the class readings talked about making the decision to "stand" at the line of reconciliation if your X has walked away.

As I left the class, I found myself sobbing in the car driving home. Listening to the couple who spoke - the husband was deep in addictions (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) But somehow he was saved and related that God had to be first in each of their lives. I remember the months in which my X appeared to put God first and really commit to the work of doing the right things. I saw so many glimpses of this beautiful, loving man who seemed truly at peace with reconnecting with God and his faith. It made me very heartsick at what could have been...the work is very hard.

Anyway - I realized I am at a turning point in recovery. I need to find my center again and determine for better or worse what I believe about what's right for me and my next steps. I need to not worry about everyone else's opinions and go with my gut.