I'm still here part III

[any chance?]

DG:
I know you don't want this. Neither do I. No one here does. But the process is going to continue, and you need to try to focus on NOT letting it tear you down. You do not know what is down the road, there is no way to tell. Be strong, be confident in yourself, and keep your head up. No telling what the future holds.

With you.

[Valeska19]

I know I can do this, I don't really have a choice in the matter.

His decision is his decision, he made it and I have to respect it.

It just hurts like hell.

^^^^ is your truth.

This quote has been ringing really true for me lately. I also thought of it when reading the past couple posts of yours.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

It seems that life has brought you to crossroad. This is not a decision that must be made swiftly or w/o little thought. There is not "right" or "wrong" only what is healthy and permits growth.

I know you will choose what's best for you!

((( )))

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't agree with the whole "It's not over until YOU say it's over" theory.

H can divorce me, move on, and marry someone else, and if it's still not over for me? That's not healthy. It's more living in denial and not letting go.

It's over because H has said it's over, and I have no choice but to accept his decision.
There isn't anything I can say or do that will change any of this.

I spent the majority of my lunch hour in a bathroom stall, crying. I also cried the entire way home from work and I'm crying now.

I'm absolutely hate myself right now.
I hate myself for being a complete moron and not treating him the way a wife should treat her husband.

I'm angry with him for breaking his promise to spend his life with me, and I'm mad at God for putting me on this earth in the first place.

Yes, I sound dramatic, and no I won't hurt myself.

This is just hell, and I can't seem to cope.

[~ kd ~]

The pain is not over until you say it's over...

The craziness is not over until you say it's over...

The hope is not over until you say it's over...

Your stand is not over until you say it's over...

Yes, your H can file and due process would eventually have a D finalized...

But living in the shadow of your M and your H and anything outside of your control... that's only over... when YOU say it's over...

[aeolianchaos]

Hey DG,

There isn't much I think anyone can say on here that is going to make your pain stop. It's part of the process.. and perhaps knowing that its something you are going THROUGH rather than staying stuck IN will be of some comfort. There is an end to that pain..

And in that pain, if you can find meaning and perspective, then that pain becomes something useful to you. It becomes a way to grow as a person and gain wisdom.

I'm confident that you will emerge from all of this stronger and wiser, and a much more solid person. If you choose to do so.

You've shown a lot of growth over the past 5 months that I've been on here, and I think that will serve you well in life.

People have issues. We can't change that, no matter how hard we try.. no amount of DBing is going to necessarily change another person.

Hang in there.. it will get better for you.

[Rick1963]

DG you forget you have choices. That is what causes us fear and to feel out of control You have given control of your destiny to your H as I to my W. But she has no control of me or my destiny , I do. So do you. Stop giving him control of you he Is not a God. He is a man with many flaws. We will make it we have no choice. My W is in control now because I want to save this. But it can not be forever. Hugs

[jbnati]

DG, ((( )))

I only wish I had the magic words to make you feel better.

I can say I am very, very proud of you for what you've accomplished since you've been DB'ing. You have grown into a fantastic woman. You are a wonderful Mom. I admire you for how far you've come. I feel very privileged to have gotten to know you on this MB.

This is the darkness before the morning. Your future is very bright.

I am praying for you. ((( )))

[gunny]

DG,
All I can say is to hang in there. You know intuitively that the
pain will lessen. Keep looking toward that day. You have fought the good fight. Hold your head up, very few people are capable of doing the soul searching and introspection that most people on this board are doing. You are among the elite few! Always remember that! Eventually, some day, her sp will also.
Gunny

[Telemark]

DG,

How are you this morning?

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm doing better today. I know yesterday was rough, but today is a new day.
I remind myself that I am working through the pain, and it comforts me some what.

This morning I had my quarterly meeting with my boss, and I received an excellent rating.
2011 has sukked for me personally, but professionally I have thrived. I've received E's every quarter this year and I am extremely proud of myself.

I'm sorry if I worried anyone last night.

I have a friend who was concerned because she hadn't heard from me, so she left work to drive to my house to see if I was there. She had forgotten I had an early meeting. I thanked her for caring about me enough to check on me. She is a true friend.