Back home - but for how long?

[Telemark]

"So now I am faced with a stark choice.
1. Say nothing, continue to DB and hope the A runs it's course - disrespecting myself in the process."

I understand how you feel this would be disrespecting yourself, but what is your ultimate goal - saving your marriage or saving face?

"2. Confront her - which will either
a. Move forward with her plans for D - which will devestate me but at least I am being honest with myself."

This will drive her right toward a D as fast as she can go. You will be a threat to her "happiness" and she will seek even more emotional comfort from the OM. Trust me - been there, done that, have the WAW and impending D to prove it.

"b. Shake her up and make her see things for what they are (I know - this only happens in the movies)."

Throw this option out; this will definitely not happen. If it does, you will make lifelong history on this forum.

You now know there is an OM. She probably knows that you know. Nothing you can do will change this fact. Keep DBing and know that you are taking the only course that might give you a chance. Notice I said "might"; it could still all go south.

If I could approach my W's EA all over again, I would act like the OM never existed. I would let my W see that nothing - NOTHING - would beat me down or hurt me or keep me from working on myself to be a better man. It is that kind of strength and confidence that might get your W to sit up and notice. Anything else is wasted effort.