W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[25yearsmlc]

2thepoint,

Just a quick note. Situations such as yours are, in my own humble opinion, where DB is a bit weak. As long as there is another person in the picture there will be very little progress in restoring a relationship.


and You believe that you know how to get the OP out of the picture? Tell us.

IMPROVE DBing...(without which I would have divorced 6 years ago.)

Believe nothing that she says and only half of what she does. From my perspective she wants you out of the house to ease her guilt and allow for unfettered access to her OM.

you are mindreading...but okay...and you think if he is out of the house ALL her guilt will be gone? Wow, I guess we don't agree. She'll feel the guilt she feels, or not.

But w/2t in the house, she'll also continue to feel frustrated with him b/c THEY are NOT doing so well together in the same house, in case you have not read the whole thread.


Every day she sees you is a reminder of what she's doing wrong, not necessarily about your past.

what?? Not to me! Yes there are different opinions for sure...

[b] She's using your past behaviour to excuse her current poor choices.[/b]

well of course she's using the past behavior to influence her present choices!! That's what we all do. To her-- she is directly REACTING to it...in her mind this whole thing is about how she was treated...and therefore explains why her feelings changed...


There is no excuse for what she is doing and deep down it is causing conflict.


and therefore...what? She's "wrong"? Um, Okay...so now what? Let's "declare her wrong"...

but see, he still wants the marriage to work, so how is that statement helpful?


Personally, I wouldn't move out and I wouldn't allow her more than 50% of time with the kids out of the house.

He cannot control or "allow" her time with the kids OR what she does with them out of the house....the Court will determine custody... and how is this approach working for YOU?

Why you can't strive for that is a mystery to me as I saw my late brother singlehandedly raise 2 kids that way.

Just my 2cents. Just another opinion.

//NH

Please, before you criticize DBing AND go against the DB coach's advice, tell us what DID work for you that was so different...