Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Originally Posted By: Nblost
...not sure where the rest of my post went.

I was going to say,

But, very painful to know he is with the OW each week when he leaves and I agree I need to determine the right approach to avoid being the doormat.

Were you romantic/intimate with your H? I feel like I'm more intimate with my H than I would have expected and seems like it goes against DB-ing.

I know for a fact it does NOT go against it. IT's a very personal choice. Do NOT let anyone tell you what to do either way.

My DB coach was perfect for me (A Godsend, I'm sure) and she asked what our sex life was like before. IT was a strength of ours and I know h felt more connected when we were physical. It's his love language (touching, affection).

for US in OUR M, I felt it was right and natural and

if I felt regret later, I'd reassess. I didn't.

So for me, I felt it helped to CONTRAST whatever life he was creating for himself up there on the tundra, with a warm loving happy home here...

& I wanted to "Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth"...

(also, I've never heard of a man going home for the great sex he NEVER had...)


However, I think it feels right, like it is helping, and I think H needs to see that from me or he may not have any hope of coming back?

see above for MY opinion b/c obviously I agree...

I guess at this point, I feel like I can't get hurt any further (since we have been intimate for 14 years already and he's violated that).

hey, if you do come to regret it or feel used in some way, you are allowed to change your mind...it's not irrevocable.

I'm sure the unhealthy part of me also likes that he is cheating on OW when he is home and probably messes with his head a bit.


I get that...^^

be the better choice. And for short "units of time" --shelve the anger and be in the moment. Give him something to miss...


Nblost,

Reasonable people can disagree (and do) about the whole "should I still have sex with my wayward spouse while they are wayward?" thing, and I won't weigh in either way here, but I do think it must be added that, If you DO decide to do this, for god's sakes, USE PROTECTION.

Your own medical health is the overriding issue here, and I'm not telling you anything that your own personal OB/GYN wouldn't also tell you.

I'm sure 25 would agree.

M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)