alcoholic H decided he wants D

[imthemom]

oh 25....you got me again...
after we had that exchange I knew it was a mistake...and I read your post again and realized I showed nothing but anger...my mistake!!!
But its really hard to have some dignity when im expected to be the sweet loving wife, after catching him in that situation...appparently that is what i need to work on because you are rignt..i was not supportive and I was spitefull through out his recovery. I filed papers because from past experience..i dont think he has what it would take to get us over what he has done. letting me beat myself up for months only to find out that there is OW is the thing that is the hardest for me to get over. Now, hes a liar...something ive never accused him of ever in the 20 yrs ive known him, and at my and his S expence.
maybe it was a mistake...but i feel like i didnt have a choice. the marriage we had is over, regardless of how i feel. I dont know if we can reconcile...i really didnt think it was an option and this new "tone" prob wont last long, with me anyway...I am encouraging the new interest in our S but dont know what his intentions are with me....I obviousely have some thinking and soul searching to do on this and will!!!
He wont be served at work..i made sure that he will be served at the house after work hours.
And I know I still have a long way to go in my work...maybe i filed because i need him to come after us. To realize what he could lose? I dont know...i just know that after 18 yrs I dont deserve to be treated the way he has treated me and I need to feel like I have some self respect left.
lots to think about right now.....
he is still asking for one of our beds...and ive told him to go buy a new one, that we havent shared. The thought of giving him a bed to have a relationship in with his "friend" is to much for me. Really?? after what he has done I have to be the bigger person and give him a BED??!! so I dont look like the spitefull wife??? that is just to much ......if I knew they really were over I would have no problem giving him a bed...but giving him one to use with her just seems WAY to crazy to me....