Well, it sounds like you have made up your mind to move out. Okay. And I see your DB coach's POV (however, I am very surprised), and 25 gives great advise, as always.

But let me point out a few things here. Your kids are not that little. They are smart and they see other kids from broken homes. You can try to put them on hold by telling them it's temporary, before giving too much negative information, but if they think for one second the parents are not being straight with them .....that's not good, either. There's just no easy way, when it comes to protecting the kids from pain. I realize that is not your plan, just saying to be prepared for some type of fall-out. They may put up a good front, but they'll know their parents are S and may be heading for D.

The other thing is your in-laws. I have a close knit family. We treat our SIL like he's our own son. But, I have been through my D's broken M's over three times! Even if the parents love you, when all is said and done....they will be there for their child (right or wrong) above anyone else. You may still see them for a few minutes at holidays, but if the M is not R, your relationship with them will be different, if nothing else, based on the lack of time spent with them (not to mention feeling somewhat "strained" due to the stitch).....and just moving on with life. They may be nice/friendly, even lovingly toward you whenever they see you come by for the kids.....but I don't think you should expect to have the same relationship as you do now. I have seen a ton of divorce down through the years. The R with in-laws will fade. Even in the best of families, I've not seen any who continue the same R that was developed in the past as in-laws......and one reason is b/c of the fact there is usually another man who comes into the picture......and that may be something parents don't like, but it's what their D is doing and if she divorces you and allows OM into her life/family/home....you will be phased out of in-laws life. That's just the facts of life.

I think your love toward them is wonderful. Thinking of them and giving them the comfort of your home, above your own needs is admirable. That speaks volumes as to the amount of love/respect you have for them. Hopefully, they will understand your moving out, but I pray that they will know the truth and not some "stuff" your WAW tells them....softening them up for news of OM. (I've been on both sides of that situation!).

I'm not going to keep on with this. I think I'm seen as negative, instead of giving a realistic VP, and you don't want to hear that. I think you've made your decision, and I hope it goes like you think it will.

Good Luck.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!