alcoholic H decided he wants D

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you everyone for your input and advice...I dont know what I would be doing if it werent for this forum. It has helped just to have a place to come and vent!
There has been an interesting turn of events in the last 24 hrs..
It seems like he is actually haveing some kind of remorse????
He started texting me yesterday again but had a totally different tone....still asking about a bed??? but like I said..the cocky indignent tone was gone. I never replied and he ended up showing up later to take our S14 to play some catch and get some dinner. A first lately since he hasnt seemed to have the time for him the last few months. The smile on his face when he came home was priceless!!!

this is called PROGRESS and it's a good good thing. Enjoy these moments and signs...you might have a 2 steps forward and one back, but count these good ones!


This was after a friend of mine told me he posted on his fb page "A wise man once told me Dont (blank) were you eat"...I had no idea what this meant, she said its something about dont sleep with your co workier or along those lines..he does not work with any women so Im thinking we were correct in thinking it was a fellow AA memer that I caught him with.
Then this morning I got a good morning text,and tell S14 I love him....hadnt gotten one of those in MONTHS....

another positive...


I didnt reply till late and then only to let him know that S broke his retainer and I was gonna need a little help this month to take care of that.

any reason you could not say "thanks, good morning to you too, and I'll pass it on to s"??

He replied with "ill see what I can do, I have to by a bed..."
WOW again with the bed...I tried but couldnt pass it up...i told him in a very hostile way that our son was my first priority not were him and his "girlfriend" were ummmmmm sleeping. but i used more colorfull language...

remember how you said you were printing out my LONG post? I hope I hit the "lose the anger" button often enough, and that it didnt' get lost in the length...


I know, not my best moment but Ive been so good...I lost it for a sencod ...he replied with "I was thinking along the lines of were Im going to sleep" and I left it at that. then he posted on sons fb wall that they were going to be spending alot more time together from now on, which makes me very happy. my son has been missing him terribly!!
anyway...all this "reaching out" has me wondering if he got dumped?????

Maybe....but why view it in the worst possible light? How does that help you?

Why not at least entertain the idea that he has remorse and regret and that you are at least theoretically appealing to him as a w?


maybe she didnt know he was married? I dont know but the tone in his contacts now have definatly changed...there is no more attitude and I cant think what could have happened but Im continueing on my path..

really? You cannot think of a reason for it? Seriously? DIG DEEPER...

papers were signed last night and he should be served by friday.. it was the hardest think ive ever done but I know it is the right thing.

What did you file for, a sep or a divorce? What finally triggered it? What is your goal?

Please think those questions out...

Are you warning him or will he be served at work? I highly recommend you let him know in advance-- to spare him public humiliation there, which will NOT help his career...or your finances since you are both joined for now...

When I saw our date of marriage and seperation in black and white and had to sing...I just started sobbing. the lawyer asked if I was sure and I said YES!!


I still have hope, but its going to take alot of work to fix what he has done

what can YOU do to fix the things in YOU that concerned you earlier? Til this brief affair occurred, you were perfectly willing to do...what?

You said you had been punitive during his recovery period. You seemed to regret that.

So now I'm wondering if you think that HE has to stay sober, do his program AND grovel for forgiveness for the A,

ALL after 18 months of him reaching out to you only to be rejected...

(that does NOT sound very appealing...)

and while you hope HE will do all these things.... YOU will do...what?

Why would HE think HE can remain sober?

Why would HE believe that the marriage can be a happier or better or different one,

if the only changes being demanded are all of him?

Do you see how this does not sound designed for success?


and I just dont know if he has it in him ....so I am feeling stronger then I have felt in years. No more questioning myself....it is what it is for now.

so back to YOU...what are your 180s?

What are your GALs? They're not gimmicks, they are mandatory.

180s and GALs --must be done or you'll obsess/focus only on HIM and backslide...and

GAL and 180s make life a lot nicer too.