A Bklyn tale

[BklynMom]

Yes I am full blooded Nu Yawker. And shouting at people has been the only way I have learned to communicate from family to school to work. My h is not from ny so yes there is a "cultural" difference in our style.

Listening is #1 my 180. I have been talking about it with my IC and practicing when I am hanging with my mother Dealing with my mother has been great practice for many of my changes and my mom has been impressed with my progress.WooHoo!

Today was so wacky. I bumped into a male mutual friend of me & H. This Friend offered me a lot of support when our sitch first when down but recently has just disappeared. I knew he hung with my H a couple of times before H left for Atlanta. This friend gave me a big hug. He also confirmed for me how much my husband is drinking - which is A LOT! and he said H is not with the suspected OW. This does not eliminate the possiblitity of OW but it does continue to reduce the odds.

I know a popular question here is: How would an OW change how you feel? Well if H were telling someone else ILY - I would not file for D but I would be completely detached. It would be a whole different ball game. H told me this was all my fault but if he is ILW OW then this something else then what he claimed and it has very little to do with me.

I am looking for some advice regarding the Holidays. On Thanksgiving I am going to take my girls to a big Thanksgiving with a ton of extended family. I do not plan on telling my extended family about my sitch. I will say H got stuck in Atlanta. H knows that I will be going to this large Thanksgiving and I think he will think the road home is rocky if this extended family knows our sitch. However I have to act as if I fully believe we are divorcing so why wouldnt I tell them. Should I tell H I am not telling extended family or just leave it and let him wonder?

I have been dim for almost 2 months and am now starting to see tiny tiny itsy bitsy signs of warming up (sitting on our bed) and still no D papers (which he has threatened) Is there anything I can do warm him up that would not be viewed as pursuing. If I am too cold and distance my h will not come back to me, I rejected his love & affection in our relationship and that is a big issue. For instance, One of the DB rules where you always get off the phone first, backfired on me with my H. He was very annoyed when I tried that and saw it as not listening.

So much more fun to be active on this board rather than just lurking but for a while I couldnt even talk or write about sitch it was too too painful. Thks for listening