Well said Telemark, that's exactly how I felt too.

Luvhurts, my W was also a daughter of divorce and took it very hard, and had many anti-affair friends. She basically avoided confiding in anyone who would tell her what she didn't want to hear, and sought out those who would support her decisions.

Involving friends and family to be your advocates is a bad idea and does not work. It will just make you the bad guy and make your W resent you more. If there is OM that relationship is bringing her some happiness and relief. If she views you as trying to take that from her that pushes you farther apart.

If OM is there, it's not about you to begin with, so you can't change that either. Awareness will make you feel much much worse per Telemark. The *only* positive is that you'll know why DB isn't working and may better understand W's behavior

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015