Peicing and hoping I'm doing the right thing.

[FreeBird0120]

Hello everyone:
Sorry I haven't responded. I'm still on moderation and it's been a difficult couple of days, but here's the update:

We hadn't discussed her because I'd decided for whatever reason to ignore their "friendship" and just focus on our relationship. BIG MISTAKE...

Saturday morning I woke up to H holding me which made me feel so good as affection as not been easy for him. We had gone to a Halloween party the evening before and had a wonderful time together. We ended up ML and he fell fast asleep afterwards since he was still tired from the night before. I had gone into the kitchen to make coffee and saw his phone light up. I thought he was either getting a call from his mom who calls him every morning, or his alarm was going off so I grabbed it to quiet it as to not wake him and saw that it was an instant message from OW. I wasn't snooping I promise and probably shouldn't have read it, but I knew he was still talking to her "as friends", and it was very hard not to read it as it was right there in front of my face. It read: "Goodmorning Sunshine!! Hope you had fun at the party last night but most of all I hope you were finally able to get some sleep last night."

I know the message could have been a lot more incriminating, and I realize that it wasn't like she was confirming any sort of anything between them in that message, but for some reason it just hit me that this OW was messaging my H 1st thing in the morning, that she was calling him sunshine, and that nothing about their "friendship" was appropriate. Especially since they have been keeping their "friendship" secret from both of their spouses. The fact that she has to instant message my H so that her H can't track it, and the fact that my H wasn't upfront with the fact that he's still talking to her and the fact that they are literally texting each other from 6am-5pm non stop while they are both supposed to be working just isn't appropriate. I know I told myself to ignore it and not to bring it up, but something just clicked inside of me and I knew that I could no longer live like this.

I don't want my D11 to think that this is okay behavior, and that it is okay to be treated like this by the person you've given your heart to, so I thought long and hard about what my next move needed to be. I have decided that I can no longer live 2nd best to this OW.

Sunday morning when we woke up, he asked how my day was the day before and I told him that I had a lot of soul searching to do, and that I had come to a decision that I needed to speak to him about. I told him that as of Tuesday 11/1/11 me and D11 would be moving out. He was upset and confused as to where this was coming from as he didn't know at this point that I've known that he is still in communication with her, so this came as a shock to him. I told him that I knew he was still talking to her, that I'd accidentally read her message to him the morning before, and that I could no longer live in this sitch. I deserved more and in ignoring what was still going on and allowing it that I had sacrificed myself and my values and was no longer able to live like this.

He claimed again that they were just friends and said that she was there for him at a time that I wasn't and had helped him thru so much that it was hard for him to just say "Okay thanks for being their for me, but my M is going good now, so I can't talk to you anymore...have a good life." He was also very upset that I was leaving him with so much debt and didn't care what kind of financial mess I was leaving him in. He pointed out everything I'd done wrong in the M to contribute to it's demise and cried the whole time.

Once he was finished I told him that he was the one who had forced me to make this decision. I asked him to put himself in my shoes and to really think about how he'd feel if the roles were reversed. I told him that he obviously couldn't let her go and that he couldn't let me go either, and since he wasn't able to make that decision I was just making it easier on him and making that decision for him. I told him that he'd already chosen her over his family and as soon as I said this to him, he became very hostile and screamed in my face that he didn't choose her over his family, that he'd chosen her over me.

I moved out yesterday...November 1st will forever be the worst day of my life. It was heart wrenching to walk away from 14 years, but I had to let him go and let him see what being without me was really going to be like. I feel like this is my last option, and if he comes back it will have to be completely different then it has been. We will have to essentially start from scratch.

Yesterday for the 1st time I saw what this is doing to him. He was very emotional and when my D11 and I left, I could see how much it was killing him along with how hard this was on us.

Maybe one day we will find each other falling in love again, but until that day comes, if ever, I will be GALing, doing 180's for myself and my D11 and start taking one step at a time to discover who I am without him. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I know what I have to do now, and as heartbroken and sad as I am right now, I know I will be okay.