Volume III

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Thanks, everyone. It was difficult returning to "the situation" back home; would much rather be sitting on the San Antonio Riverwalk in the warm sunshine with my kids.

Small side note: I flew down with my daughter, XW #1, her husband and her mother. We had a great time together; I've always been very fond of XW's husband and her mother, and it was completely tension-free. It seems ironic that I had a better time with them than I would have with my W. Yesterday my daughter told me everyone was glad W did not come, even if things between us had been OK. Guess they saw things I never saw.

My situation remains unchanged. Have not had any contact with W in 3 weeks. She continues to drag her feet with the D. I find myself missing having someone in the house with me; someone to have meals with; someone to share the bed with; someone just to help with the day-to-day household chores.

It is difficult to let go of the sadness and anger. I am sad that what I thought was a good marriage was a sham. I am angry that my W not only deceived me and my kids about her true feelings, but invested very little of herself in our marriage and our lives. During the trip, my son and daughter and I were able to spend some time alone, and the conversation came around to the situation. They both told me they never felt that W was committed to me, them or the marriage; that there was always a wall between her and us.

I am deeply hurt by her not only leaving our home, but having the OM move in with her while we are still married; the ultimate slap in the face. She has created a whole new life that I am no part of. I constantly struggle to not think of her giving herself intimately to him while she is still my wife. And yet she still lies about their relationship. I feel like a fool who let her walk all over me for the past 9 months. I was being the "nice guy" and trying to not make waves so she could find herself. All that time she was carefully planning her exit strategy and her new life with the OM.

And what is the result? A 2nd divorce, financial hardship, emotional pain and misery for both of us. She is working 3 jobs to try to support her new life. She has little time for her youngest son. She has lost the respect of her oldest son, her father, her husband and her step children and our friends who see her as nothing more than a selfish, dishonest cheater. She has abandoned her faith.

What a waste.

Thanks for letting me vent. I've been carrying these thoughts and emotions inside for what seems like forever. I still think of her as the person she was, and yet I question if I ever really knew her...probably not. I have given up any hope of reconciliation. All I can look forward to now is a peaceful end to our marriage and being able to move on without anger or resentment. That may take some time.