Do I stay or do I go?

[aeolianchaos]

Anyhope,

I also agree w/ OldTimer. He has given you some very good actionable steps to take and I don't think you would regret any of them.

Esp. the getting tested part. You really really don't want to have to explain to your next partner how they got an STD from you. I don't know what they have in Canada, but when I found out about my W's A, I went to planned parenthood to get tested and found them to be empathic and respectful. Hopefully you're in the clear, but w/ your H acting the way he is, I would assume nothing.

As far compassion goes.. you have a lot on your plate right now but its a subject that will be worth exploring in depth once you get settled down.

Best of luck tomorrow.

[kml]

(psssst - OT is a woman, btw Hiya, OT!!! )

[anyhope]

Thanks for all your inputs.. Yes I did get tested for std's as soon as I could, so that's done. Haven't talked to a lawyer yet.. Just didn't get to that point yet.

I do think that h may have felt pressured by me so now he's after someone younger with no expectations. Makes life easier I guess, or we'll see..

I'm not blaming her (ow) I don't like her and I don't even try to hide it.. I do understand that my h is the married one in this picture and the one who made the decision to cheat.

I have now ran out of boxes, but almost done packing..

[verycrazy]

Sorry, ot, I dropped my esses.
vc

[anyhope]

Yesterday went mostly well while moving, h came back after he got some tools to put my tv together and assemble furniture. I was really tired from moving and as time came for him to leave he said he'd like to have the dog every 2nd weekend.. I'm not sure I'm interested in giving him over even though he us our dog..

I took the dog for a walk as he left and started tearing up. He put his tools in the car and I just said bye and started walking. He said I could have given a kiss for the help so I blew him a kiss and kept walking. I don't think he saw me cry. He called me 2 min. later to update me on a hockey game score.. Like I cared. About 10-15 min later, I came in already and was already crying he sent me a picture text of him crying.. Didn't know what to male of it.. As per book rules I was to appear strong, but I was anything but. I sent him a pic back of me crying.

The pain was unbearable. I looked at his face, the face that I still love after all this and that's been beside me for the last 10 years of my life and felt like I could die not having him.. I tried to fall asleep early which I did but I woke up at 4:44 and was up turning and crying for an hour when I slowly fell asleep again.

Today's been ok sp far, but I've been busy. Ow posted that she was back at 1am last night, so I was wondering if she was at our house.. If I could fast forward my life I would so do it right now..

[anyhope]

He called twice 20 min ago, called again just now.. I'm not picking up..

[verycrazy]

(((anyhope)))
Sorry you're feeling so low. Stay busy, if you can, and try not to think of ow and what she is up to.
I hope things will look up for you tomorrow.

vc

[anyhope]

Its not easy not to think of what she might be doing. But I guess over time.. I ended up calling h back after 7 calls and a text and a call from my brother, which I'm sure was h telling him to call me to see if I'll pick up.

He said he cried like a baby for the first time in 25 years, and he is not feeling good about what's going on. I told him that he wanted this as he wanted to be 'happy' he said he wasnt happy. I heard giggles in the background and wanted to avoid the question ad I did for about a whole two minutes before I asked if ow was there. He said she was there with a friend, but he's not sure and wants to come over tomorrow to talk.

I told him it's best if he doesn't come so I can get myself together and move on with my life. I don't want to be in pain all the time. we spoke about nothing.. and he insisted he will come over because he has to put up some lamps he didn't do yesterday. So.... Should be an interesting day tomorrow when we talk about... Basically nothing..

[verycrazy]

Hey, girl, maybe when he comes over to deal with the stuff he didn't take care of before, you can be your sweet self, and let him see what he is going to be missing. Look as pretty as you can, and know one thing, ow ain't got nothing on you. Maybe a friend or two will call while he's there, and you can leave the room to talk. I hope it goes well.
vc

[anyhope]

Hi vc,

Thank you for the advice. I just read it now after he had left. I didn't look my best but I had the attitude in check. He was helpful, he didn't say anything just that he missed me.. Fixed everything and fell asleep for about 20 min.

As he was leaving I took out the dog again and he asked that I pick up the phone when he calls. I said we have nothing to discuss, to which he said we do. Hugged me and started crying. He said he was sorry this had to happen then brought up some lame excuse which he told me not to do long ago..

I just walked away as I felt it was better to say nothing. Should he still love me or should it be so hard to let me go he'd make the choice to be with me which he didn't.. So what's there to say?