GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

Q of S, thanks for posting, and I don't know whether to say I hope you do end up with this or not. If we have a choice between a mean and spiteful ex and this type, which is better? The mean and spiteful one you could probably detach from. But this type, it's impossible. I don't think this is a "have my cake and eat it too" situation anymore in that he is TRYING to make the boundaries. He says we shouldn't contact at all...EVER AGAIN. Then he says "if there is an emergency." He went back and forth 3 times on the 2 oldest cats who were close to him saying "well, if they are dying, let me know." Then saying, "but no...because THIS will happen again if I come back."

THIS means the emotional sort of breakdown we had, saying all this stuff. And yes I know I triggered EVERY BIT of it. But he just responded to everything, and later said he "needed" this chance to talk. I was ready for him to say NO to all my questions, no I don't love you, NO I never cry for you, NO I don't think of you much.

I wasn't ready for what I got. I felt simultaneously gratified and saddened by it all.

I do not know how to let go of him. How long has it taken some of you here to let go of your spouse emotionally?

He said "it's better if we never talk again so you can pretend I don't exist." I think that he might have also meant "so he can pretend I don't exist..."

And yet in the midst of all that, there was the "if I had it to do over, knowing that I got my new condo and new friends and new girlfriend, then yes, I'd betray you AGAIN."

What should I take/learn from this exchange? Anything?