Queen of Swords

[adinva]

If you're going to try to tell him what he should be doing, that conversation may not be successful.

Good communication is to explain how you are feeling and listen to what his response is, and go from there. Don't predetermine what the correct response from him is.

For me, I had a similar conversation with my H and it started, "I feel afraid for how your relationship is going to be, because of this example where son acted sad and let down. Do you have concern about that?"

I brought a couple of my examples to my T expecting her to agree with my outrage, and I was shocked that she didn't rush to my side. Perhaps I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps if I thought he was being legally negligent I should make sure of my facts and then see if he was aware of them and if he thinks he might choose differently in the future, or if we could agree on a compromise. My complaints were different from yours (and yours was heartwrenching to me as I read it), but the basic gist was dads are different, different people parent differently, I don't get to control every interaction, no major harm done, etc etc. In my case, I think I learned a lesson about toning down my sense of outrage and being more open to a conversation expressing my potentially unreasonable fears, rather than beating him over the head with my vastly superior wisdom.

Another thing I learned is my H has to forge his own relationship with his kids. I can express my concerns if I'm willing to listen to him in return. But it's far better for the kids to express their disappointments to him directly and let him negotiate things with them. They need to have their own relationship.

Third, you might make suggestions to the kids - are they old enough to offer to "help" him do his laundry so he can spend time with them and get his chores done? They should be having LIFE with their dad, not just Disneyworld quality time.