It's good to see that you are doing well. I can relate to your experience of forming better bonds with your siblings after this kind of sitch. I know that I have a much more meaningful relationship with both my sister and brother after going through all of this. In some ways, that silver lining is substantial because it does show you that your R w/ them is based on something more than just genetics.
Good luck w/ NaNoWriMo. I seriously considered it this year but I'm not really a writer and have no idea what I would have written about. I'm sure the experience of successfully meeting that challenge is going to be quite satisfying for you.
I think that these thoughts you are talking about are pretty normal things to experience. Maybe if you can get beneath the narrative of the thought and feel what kind of emotion and physical sensation you are experiencing, you might find that the thoughts shift.
I think that we all go through our own kind of grieving process in a situation like this.. grieving our M's, grieving our mistakes, grieving whatever idealism we projected onto our spouses, etc. And grief has a bit of a cyclical quality to it sometimes, which can confound us when we feel like we are 'through it' only to discover another layer.
It sounds like you are doing really well and getting some perspective.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
