Several times I have thought about approaching POS dad.
Somehow I think you hope for more than "sympathy" from him.
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I know it is his son but I am sure he could see that the only way my marriage has a chance is if his son is out of the picture.
He probably could see that, yes....but what do you think he could do to his grown son to make him break up an A with the son's business partner? Heck, he might have to let his son move in with him if the A stopped and the business cut him off.
The only thing that would be accomplished by telling his dad would be that it made your W and OM very angry at you.
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But it is the only leverage I feel I have over her.
By leverage, you mean control?
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SHe told me "If you tell my dad all you will be doing is hurting him." WTF You created this situation. Not me.
Why did she not mention her mother? Maybe she's told her? WAW would indeed be hurt.....not just her dad! The more people who know her secret, the more likely talk of the A would be the gossip around town.
I think both of you are trying to control the other one.
Let's say that nobody ever learns about the child's sperm donner, and the D goes through? How do you see that picture playing? Would it affect your feelings for the child?
Do you believe the child should know the truth when she's old enough? And how would that affect you, once she was told? So, nobody knows what might happen or how they might feel. We can guess by how we feel today, but feelings tend to change with circumstances.
When facing some of these other questions you've had, I would suggest you think about what is the "right" thing to do. Then do what you believe is morally, and spiritually, right....not necessarily what you desire.
Have you thought about talking to your Pastor or Priest?
This may be the ultimate test of your love.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
