I figured I'd start a new topic as my R has greatly evolved and I was close to 100 posts on the last thread. As always, I'll give the links later.
We're going to MC tonight (moved it from last night seeing as it was Halloween). We took D trick or treating. H basicaly carried her around for people to ooh and ahh over her. She was the cutest stinkin' peacock I've personally ever seen.
While I think I'm getting better in my R, I still personally have several issues. I feel like I'm recovering from a mild case of PTSD. I was thinking last night about when the ideal timing of child number 2 would be, and I just about gave myself a panic attack. Thank God for my training in relaxation techniques or I would have melted down in bed right next to H. I clearly am still not ready.
He's wanting to spend time with me all the time. We're making future plans (BIG future plans). We're talking more openly about finances and whatnot. I'm still having a hard time with the day to day annoyances. My fuse for him is still shorter than it is for most (and I really have a pretty long fuse most of the time).
I'm very thankful that I start my own IC on Saturday. I hope I like her. It's the same practice as MC, just a different T.
D cried out for H for the first time this weekend when he left her sight. He was really excited about that. I'm glad he was excited about that. I'm glad they're finally bonding. Although he has made comments that clearly indicate that he is jealous that her bond with me is visibly stronger. I guess that's something else to bring up in MC. I dislike being blamed for his lack of connection with his D because he chose to be absent. Yes, I chose to move out, but given that he was threatening me with divorce and I wanted to care for D and keep my sanity, I still feel it was the best and really only option.
Overall, I dislike being "blamed" and his attempts to make me feel guilty for my REactions. No, I would not have moved out had he not told me he was going to divorce me. No, I would not have told any of our friends or family had he not dropped that bomb... oh, yes, when I was in one of the most fragile states a woman can be in. Some days I feel like he accepts the responsibility, and sometimes it's still clearly lacking.
But overall, I am pleased with where we are. He is much more loving, much more patient, much more supportive. He still needs to grow up some (I think he is threatened in an unconscious aspect that my primary concern is not him anymore. I've said that since he first wigged out about this whole pregnancy thing). Just like I would journal about what I knew would be indicators that things were getting better, I need to write down what things will tell me that I am ready to move home.
Giving myself panic attacks in the middle of the night is not on the list though.
I'll discuss it in IC.
H and I have plans to spend most of the weekend together. We're going to drop off D with my folks and head out to a private event his company is hosting at an amusement park. I think we're also supposed to meet up with his parents and sister sometime this weekend.
We're doing a better job communicating on the whole. I think he wants to set up a joint bank account (yeah, who saw that coming?). We've started using this awesome app called Astrid that you can put down tasks to complete and assign them to people. That way he can tell me to pick up milk and it will set off a reminder on my phone based on my location. Pretty cool.
I have to keep focused. Work has been nuts this year (I unfortunatley fill a more case manager type of roll instead of a therapist roll). Things are flying by. I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is in a few weeks.
Oh, and D is rocking on all fours now. I suspect she'll be crawling by next week at the rate she's progressing. Then I'll really be on the run.
