NTX, hmmm...the black eye really makes you wonder. Unfortunately, I think you can express your concern, but I don't think you can do much more than that.
Sunday she came over to pick up our daughter and we all ended up eating dinner together. While we were preparing the food, she came up to me from the side, wrapped her arms around me, kissed me on the cheek, and then held onto to me for about 2 minutes. I was totally blown away.
There was one other 10 minute encounter on Wednesday which was positive..
And then late yesterday there was a text exchange where she was telling me about a new apartment she wanted to move to. I replied that sometimes I just wish they'd move back home where they belong and she replied "you never know".
It donned on me that I want her back and that I still have lots of hope. But the logic in me says that I CANNOT go back to what we had because she has not worked on herself that I know of. I don't want to feel insecure or worried that she'll become unhappy again and move out later down the road and do this whole process over again.
I think I'll stick with my current plan to GAL and detach.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
NTX - take the positives as indicator YOU are heading in the right direction with your life. Perhaps your W will eventually get it and follow your direction.
Originally Posted By: NTXSadDad
It donned on me that I want her back and that I still have lots of hope. But the logic in me says that I CANNOT go back to what we had because she has not worked on herself that I know of. I don't want to feel insecure or worried that she'll become unhappy again and move out later down the road and do this whole process over again.
I think I'll stick with my current plan to GAL and detach.
I know exactly what you're saying here. You definitely don't want to go back to what you had previously because it will lead to a worse situation.
I think you have a good game plan going.
PS - sorry about the bad post above. Somehow I hit the right keystrokes to make it post before I was ready.
Hi, NTX! Dropped by to check on you. I'm glad to see you've had some positive interactions lately.
"I think I'll stick with my current plan to GAL and detach."
I agree 100% with this and with what JB wrote. Continue working on your personal goals, detaching and enjoy GAL. In my case, it was only when I stopped obsessing about saving my marriage and turned my focus on making myself better that things started turning around. Is this to say that will happen in all cases? No. But, it's good to know that if things don't end up working out with the marriage that YOU are a better person.
NTX...don't make me get in the car and come find you! Update us when you can. I hope things are going well for you and your family and that daughter has a fantastic Halloween! love & hugs, lc4
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have two consultants here this week doing a study and I've hardly been at my desk.
Things are kind of on autopilot the past 7-10 days. We get along pretty well and there's almost some sort of daily interaction.
Whenever we get together, its usually because of the D8 or when I let her come over to do her laundry. Usually she's even affectionate. Last weekend while I was cooking dinner, she approached me to hug and hang on me for 2-3 minutes and talk. She's even kissed me on the lips a couple of times.
This week we've been amicable, but I have pulled back a little. She's gone to a concert and a baseball game with the OM in question from earlier this summer and his alleged girlfriend. She swears that he's dating another woman and that she is just friends with him.
I also sense that she texts him pretty regularly about day-to-day trivial things such as how her day is, the weather, and other routine things, but she doesn't text me about those things. In my mind, she's filling an emotional need with him over me, and it's been bugging me.
Wow, as I typed this she just texted ME about something trivial going on in her office! LOL
Anyway, that's been on my mind the past week so when she's been over, I've been somewhat cold to her and made sure to not let myself be in a position where she can hug or touch me. I think she knows too, because she's left the house twice this week in a worse mood than she arrived in.
How are you doing? Good I hope!
Go Rangers!!!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
I would say there's nothing wrong at all with pulling back a bit, especially with her OM involvement. She does need to miss you as much as you can make that happen. As far when she's leaving the house in a worse mood than what she arrived in - that's a tough one. You want her to leave with a good feeling of your time together, yet you do want her to miss you.
Glad to hear you are hanging in there. Sounds like your wife is going through the typical WAW draw in/push away motions & emotions. Focus on the positives: 1) you two are getting along well and spending good time together, 2) you are doing a good job at detaching (in my opinion) and 3) there's no confirmation of om being in her life other than as a friend, and he apparently has another woman in his life. So, just keep taking things one day at a time. Don't draw back from her for the impact on her; instead, do it if it's what YOU need.
The game last night was a nail-biter that ended bad! My family is currently crowded around the tv now. Go Rangers!!!
And thanks for your well-wishes. All is well with lc4.
Sorry for the duplicate post - I posted it in another thread but wanted to include it here with my sitch as well...
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Well this is a strange twist of events. I've been feeling someone discouraged as the divorce starts moving again and posted this topic on here, and low and behold I got something positive out of the W.
She's pretty upset with me right now because I took our D8 to an outing and it was her first time doing this experience. My W told me last month she wanted to be there for the first time but never mentioned it since. The invite came only 3-4 days before and I only saw the W for 5 minutes and it slipping my mind.
Anyway, she missed it and is pretty upset. I have apologized over and over but she seems really angry. I told her I can't fix it but will be more mindful in the future, and I reminded her we will both miss "firsts" through the rest of our D's life because divorce [censored].
And here is where I was shocked: She said she had been feeling good about "us" the past couple of weeks, until I went and did this. That was the first time in several months I had any feed back that indicated a softening stance.
I am hoping she'll cool off in a day or so and let this incident go and get back to that "good feeling about us" again. I really didn't do it to hurt her, I just didn't think it was THAT important to her, and I certainly didn't expect her to get so angry about it. I'm just being cool, validating, and apologizing.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Update us when you can. I hope things are going well for you and your family and that daughter has a fantastic Halloween!