new to this..

[workinghardguy]

Have you thought of getting IC? Not that we aren't here to listen to you vent Lord knows I do it... but there's only so much a screen and characters can give you. Having a real person who's on your side can be really helpful.

I think it suxx that he's ignoring the SD. That's not right. I know as I look at what life might look like should my W and I split I am already trying to figure out how to keep SS and SD a part of my life. It will have to be an almost "uncle" role, but I've been in my SD's life since she was 1 1/2 and my SS since he was 3.

[gunny]

good morning learning,
Have you thought about joing a separated/divorce support group? I have joined two different ones, have met some really nice supportive people who have all been through the same type of experience. They are in various stages of div/sep, and dont mind listening to you talk about your sitch, sometimes it is therapuetic for them. Most churchs have some type of group, or you can look on google under "divorce care". Good luck, hang in there.
Gunny

[learning2listen]

i am looking into support groups.. I think it would be great to have local face to face support. I do already see a IC, funny thing, is when people hear "my side" they look at me like i am crazy for wanting to repair/reconcile anything...

I did receive a text from him last night apoligizing for not calling and explaining he had taken a nap and just woke up. Then he asked if we could have lunch when he got back into town.

I really dont know what he is doing, but have accepted the fact that is not for me to figure out. I will continue doing what I am doing.

[learning2listen]

I need some insight, I stopped contacting my h after he basically stood me up last week, he said lunch on Wed, then sent a text saying he was sorry and he had fallen asleep, rescheduled for Friday, and again didnt happen then Saturday he texts again apoligizing and said he fell asleep again, now he wants to go trick or treating with me and the kids tonight, I really dont get it.. one minute it seems we dont matter and the next it seems he wants to be a part of it. he has asked again for lunch on Wednesday.. I just dont know what is going on..

[MrBond]

Go trick or treating with him and the kids. But tell him you're busy on Wednesday and you'll let him know when you're next free.

Put the ball back in your court. You've been fooled twice. Do you really need to be fooled a third time?

[gunny]

Hello Learning,
Advice I have been given over the last few months bascically says to treat s as you would a friend or neighbor. How would you react if a friend or neighbor acted like this? Is this out of character for him?

If he is in MLC from what I've read this is par for the course. If hes suffering from depression, he could be having trouble rememberin, concentrating, etc. Could be any number of things.

Good luck,
Gunny

[learning2listen]

i have come to the conclusion that I have no idea who this man is..nothing about him seems to be like the man I married.

last night he showed up for trick or treating, said work was an ugly day. he lasted less then an hour, and left. Even d noticed he didnt stay long.

He is distant, cold, and always seems tired. he apparently cant handle anything other than work. he says nothing about us, yet is still wearing his wedding ring.

My question, does he really think I am just going to be here when and if he decides to come back? he seems to think this is the right thing to do, yet nothing is really being accomplished with it.

I am really confused. I dont know if it is just the fact my brain thinks differently or what, but it feels like i am missing a puzzle piece. He seems to not be afraid to hurt my feelings so why leave something out? he hasnt said anything hurtful for nearly a month, yet he hasnt really said much of anything.

any input would be greatly appreciated.

[learning2listen]

lunch with H today..he initiated the R talk...we have been apart for 2.5 months, he says he is not happy ...but thinks moving back in would be stupid because all we have proven is we can break up?

Now he thinks we should continue to have lunches and possibly start doing "family" things, and if one thing he has learned is that nothing happens quickly.

My question to him was does he want to keep this up? and he said if we move slowly and continue working on ourselves and "us" then yes.

I felt something with him today that i dont think I have truly felt in a very long time, I felt love, and caring coming from him. He seems genuine, and when he hugged me good bye he seemed to hang on a little longer than what it has been.

I know this is not a reconcilation.. but it seems like we have the same goals, and we can talk again, without anger. I told him I didnt think this was going to be easy, however its a road I am willing to travel. am I being foolish?

I hang on because I know my H is there, I know there is noone else in his life, and I know family does matter, we drifted, we took each other forgranted, and for that we have to forgive and move forward.

This could be the beginning of something wonderful...

[learning2listen]

NLW,
how are things going for you? I have been reading your posts and beings our stories are similar I have been wondering how you are doing?

I am trying the gal, and he seems unaffected by this.. he just wants to continue doing lunch weekly and maybe move into doing "family" things..

I feel my trust is slowly going away, he seems focused on "his" things, not thinking after 11 years it really is "our" things (such as finances)


aside from work, all he seems to do is sleep.. he took d to school yesterday and went home to his house and slept until after 7pm.. I really dont get it.

[learning2listen]

Well its Saturday, no word from H in a couple of days, i didnt respond to his last text and it is killing me to not contact him, but it seems to be the only thing that seems to get his attention.

I feel like there is a real chance but when I read some posts on here it seems like we are doing much of the same that some of you all have done, and in the end it seems d is what happens.

I had a thought yesterday that i am working on myself and my kids and focusing on what I CAn control and what is he doing? it seems a whole lot of nothing.

I feel pretty negative today, it seems he is satisfied with only talking to me once a week and having lunch..but its all he is giving to any of us..

I could sure use some advice. I am really trying to stay busy and not think about it but it still consumes most of my every thought.

if this is depression for him then this is it until he decides its not, and I am not sure if what I am doing will allow me to continue on this road. I truly love my h but I truly believe he has let us down. He doesnt want to come back to what it was, but he doesnt seem to realize I dont want that either.