Hello everyone, I've read this forum for a while and finally decided to register. I'm going through quite a situation and really just kind of wanted some friendly "faces" to bounce some ideas off of and to share my story with. I apologize for the length of the story lol.
I was married for almost 5 years. My wife and I dated for about 4 years before we married. Last year, near the end of August (2010), she left and basically moved in with another man. He was the opposite of me, kind of a hippie and she thought she was in love with him. During this process she filed for divorce. She came back in December, 2 days before the divorce was final but it was too late to call it off at that point. We immediately moved back in together on December 6 of 2010. Things didn't go all that well and despite her pleas to remarry and such, I wouldn't agree. Anyway, I made the big mistake of turning to alcohol to help me cope with the fact that she had left, etc., etc. I've struggled with alcohol for most of my adult life. I used it to zone out and refused to face our problems. We were in counseling with a very good marriage counselor who teaches Michelle's books and message. I just didn't put the effort forth to move forward and was angry with her for most of the time. Well, while she was gone for the few months, I had met another woman. Unfortunately, I continued to text with this woman while trying to reconcile with my ex wife. Of course, I realize this was a mistake. Anyway, on June 14 of 2011, my ex came home from work and caught me texting with the other woman. She immediately moved out again. I didn't really try and do much to get her back because for some reason I just saw it as an opportunity to drink as much as I wanted. I know that is twisted and sick but that's how I acted. By the time I finally got my act together, my ex had decided that enough was enough with the drinking and she ended things. In the meantime, she's started dating someone else again, and professes to love him.
I have been now 42 days sober and am still seeing my counselor. I think he feels I should just move on but I really just want to try and piece my life back together with my ex. If things go well for her, she will be moving off to pharmacy school next fall, probably about 4 hours from where we now live. Her new boyfriend lives about 7-8 hours away from our hometown. they manage to see each other every few weeks or so from the best I can tell. Anyway, when the realization that my alcoholism had destroyed my marriage hit me, my wife was already moving on. I did exactly the opposite of what I should have done. I pursued her and tried to convince her that we should get back together. I can see now that all I did was push her to the other man, and boy did it work lol. A few weeks ago we had a major argument where I said some really cruel things to her over text message. She has had problems with infidelity during our marriage and I brought all of that out again. Then, I asked that she not contact me for a while (we were speaking via text almost every day). We have two dogs together and I have them with me. I told her that she shouldn't contact me even if it had to do with our dogs and she flipped out. She and her mom began bashing me on facebook and all of that good stuff. After a phone call to my counselor, we decided I should let her know that she can see our dogs whenever she likes and just to let me know. Well, after that, I went 11 days without talking to her. Not once did she check on our dogs or contact me in any way. Finally, yesterday, I broke down and sent her a happy halloween text. We exchanged a few texts which were positive and then I stopped texting her so as not to appear needy or clingy. I'm planning on texting again in a week or so to make contact again.
My main focus is to get her back. I've been doing some new things with my life, including the sobriety and I've also learned to SCUBA dive. I've also been hanging out with new friends, including women. I've been clear with these women that I'm not ready for a relationship and that I want my ex wife back. I just am looking for advice or possible solutions as to what to do next. I know that I have to let her new relationship be and not interfere with it. I hope that I can still talk to her though so long as we keep it upbeat and positive. As embarrasing as this is, I've even resorted to speaking with a psychic for advice as well. I feel like I'm going crazy without her and I want to have a new life with her where I am sober and we can do more things together and be happy. I do truly feel that we both love each other but that we basically need to start over. I'll welcome all advice as to what to do or comments on my situation. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and helping out
