You are right, this move is good for me no matter the outcome. I think I shifted from being worried each day that he was going to leave, to worrying he may still leave. I had about a week reprieve of not worrying too much when he said he wanted to stay. Then it's back to feeling anxious again.
I agree that negativity could ruin this, so I'm struggling to keep positive. He told me this afternoon that he was sorry for what he put me through but he just wants to move forward.
I don't think mc is going to help our marriage. I think individual therapy is better... however, I worry an independent therapist could be just as destructive. I don't know.
I have been to therapy in the past for my own childhood issues, and it saved my life. So I'm not against therapy...
Once again I have to let it go... even if he stays, this is still not within my control.
I think my h is detached in some ways .... from his behavior last summer. If he doesn't understand what made him "go crazy" as he puts it, then it could happen again.
I need to move on to reading more on piecing... cause you are right... if I'm negative, and constantly worried, he will sense that.
You are right, this move is good for me no matter the outcome. I think I shifted from being worried each day that he was going to leave, to worrying he may still leave. I had about a week reprieve of not worrying too much when he said he wanted to stay. Then it's back to feeling anxious again.
I agree that negativity could ruin this, so I'm struggling to keep positive. He told me this afternoon that he was sorry for what he put me through but he just wants to move forward.
I don't think mc is going to help our marriage. I think individual therapy is better... however, I worry an independent therapist could be just as destructive. I don't know. look at how paralyzed you are...get T if you want it! Let him do as he wants...or what? Divorce him b/c he wont' go and you fear he'll divorce you if he doesn't go...but you fear he'll leave if he does?? You CAN change your mind if it's not helping...
I have been to therapy in the past for my own childhood issues, and it saved my life. So I'm not against therapy... Once again I have to let it go... even if he stays, this is still not within my control. Newsflash--we ALL take this ^^^ risk, every day. Seriously...
I think my h is detached in some ways .... from his behavior last summer. If he doesn't understand what made him "go crazy" as he puts it, then it could happen again. I disagree. If he knows the DAMAGE he caused and almost caused, that ought to be enough to motivate him not to repeat the behavior. Plus if he "has his reasons" then it could justify it...Besides, I doubt my h knows "why" he HAD to go to Alaska...still!
But he doesn't want to lose us for it. He KNOWS that...and that's enough for me.
I need to move on to reading more on piecing... cause you are right... if I'm negative, and constantly worried, he will sense that.
yep...oh and you will be miserable even though you got what you said you wanted....kind of a sad sitch, and hopefully NOT a reflection on your approach to things. IF SO, change it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ever hear the phrase "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"? That comes to mind
b/c you are NOT risking anything by
enjoying the present...so enjoy it. If anything, you will increase the chances of that remaining in your life.
Embrace the gift life has given you, no matter where it goes...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you again 25. Has anyone ever told you that you have a gift of putting things into clear perspective?
Last night h and I were watching a show (American Horror Story to be exact) and it portrays a man who had an A on his wife. When it was over with, he said he liked the show but the rest of it made him feel bad about some things. He went to the kitchen and I was picking up in the living room and he called me in there and he said, "I made a big mistake, and I almost threw everything away. I lost my mind. I know that at one point I wanted to be free, but now I don't, I want my family".
I gave him a hug and I told him how happy this made me... and then he said, "I made the mistake of not coming to you when I was unhappy about us."
All of this truly feels surreal. I don't know what woke him up... wait, yes I do. I'm going to be honest. I stormed heaven with prayers for weeks on end... asking God to speak to my h's heart. So I feel I need to give praise to Him. I think he led me to this forum, I think he had his hand in the way things played out with h and ow.
When the subject of MC came up again and how we both felt it was not helpful... h looked at me and asked, "So what will we do? I'd like to do something..." and I did mention him going to a c on his own, and I mentioned retroveille. He seemed interested in going to this.So when we get moved and settled I'm hoping one will come up in our area.
As he gets ready to leave for the bay area in two weeks, I feel that the ground we stand on is not as shaky as it was, but it's still shaky. I'm still nervous about the separation. He has told me that he feels good about the move and that he feels like the separation won't hurt us.
I'm so thankful for this forum, and all of you who have been supportive... who have given me some straight up advice. I think db-ing has really helped me. I've learned a lot about myself. How *I* stopped having a life for myself and how important that is.
You're so right though, 25... I need to just enjoy each day as it comes now... and remember that this move will be good for me, whatever happens.
