Ugh...stressed, sad, still hanging on by a thread

[workinghardguy]

I think you handled that pretty well ROMB. Especially the part about setting your boundary on not having him throw hurtful sayings in your face. My W and I had a similar convo a few weeks back. I can say that it really helped with her not tossing those hurtful "distancing" barbs in all the time.

I also think you did just right calling him on it and validating. That's why he's doing it. To make sure you know that he's not coming back. Of course... I tend to believe the WAS is saying that as much to tell you as he/she is to tell themselves, but for now just deal with the obvious part of the message.

Frankly, when my W and I had our convo I felt almost more grown-up than her. Sort of like talking to a kid who keeps saying hurtful things to get a reaction. When you sit them down and say "look, I know you don't like Johnny, but you do not have to say that each time." Or "if you don't have something nice to say, then just don't say anything".

As far as your D's comment... I'd tell her you are a "real" family. That families come in lots of shapes, sizes, and make-ups. You're no less real than you were before. And families are defined by the love within, not the appearance from outside.