GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

My boy died this morning between 3 and 4am. The vet had him at her home. She sets the clock on the hour and said he was alive at 3, passed by 4. She said she sleeps lightly and he did not wake her so there must not have been a struggle.

My XH is picking him up at the vet to bring him to my home so we can bury her. He kept saying he didn't have a right to be here because he left him. I said that doesn't matter right now, that I feel like I need him here because regardless of what happened, right or wrong, he was his dad for 13 years and he was closer to him than any of the others, and that we needed this for closure.

I hope I'm doing the right thing having him come. I hope that it doesn't make ME backslide. I just try to envision burying him with my sister (the other option) versus my XH and I keep feeling like XH is the right person to be here.

I couldn't really get out of him if he wanted to be here or not. He kept saying he wanted to do what was best for me and he'd just deal with it.

I feel like this was my last "link" to XH, you know? This cat tied us together so much because our love for him was so intense, more intense by far than all the others, just due to his personality.

Sigh.