How could you not involve your XH? This is a crisis too. None of us here with children would fail to inform our MLC spouse if a child became seriously ill.
What you have written is very similar to the way a good friend of mine's MLCer was after a while. He came to see the new r wasn't what he thought, realised the connection with his XW was still deep. but lacked the skills, strength of mind, and desire to make the changes he needed and still needs to make.
Most of them want us in their life, after the initial spewing and anger, although this can take a long time. Some never do the anger bit, but most do.
And yes, for many of them I also believe we are still the back up plan, crazy as it sounds. We are the core of their life, and they rush off, thinking we will always be there. It is crazy stuff. You are gradually releasing the need for this patterning, and in a strange way, the illness of the cats will show your xh that things do change while they are gone.
