"Sharks and fish can be friends" from Finding Nemo

[ericmsant2]

Punkin

Just catching up…..

Ballsy, ain't I?

You? Nah….:)

As Eric reminded me, 'It's all about justification' with the X, and he is right. I just wonder how far justification can carry you?

As far and as long as you want it to. Right? But then again, that’s not your problem. Right?

Truly enjoyed my new home this weekend

Did I miss the house warming party invite

Anger is okay, and needs to be expressed

Yep…what it more important is HOW you choose to express it, at least IMHO.

but when does it cross the line into obsession?

Define obsession. What do YOU think obsession is and why?

Just remember the good you got by being married to him .... children and grandchildren. That's what I keep telling myself. The time wasn't wasted. Can't replace the kids, wouldn't want to, but exH can be replaced, even if only by a dog.

Very good quote ^^^^ ……

and I was never sad, but I think that is part of life and, let's face it, healing and growing.

So maybe instead of thinking about the sadness (and FTR, I still do from time to time feel it)…think about what YOU have done. What you have accomplished. What YOU want YOUR life to look like in the future. Punkin, I have found that sometime we veer off of the path that we originally set for ourselves…which is seeking and living our dreams. Maybe the energy should be allocated to that effort instead of the wasted energy wondering what could have been or should have been.

My steps and their kids did a no show. Now, that didn't really upset me, as I expected XH to have his party at the same time, and to my knowledge, did. What does hurt my feelings is that I never asked anything of them other than to bring the kids by on Halloween, as I had a special gift bag made up for them. They were a no show for me, as well. I don't mean to whine, but I've tried very hard to continue to be a part of my step grands lives, and it seems that I'm not being met half way here.

I know this sounds childish, but if is as if they don't care

Punkin…I know this pain and hurt well. I was very very close to my in laws. Initially they supported my stand, they tried to do everything in their power to get my XW to “see it”…they were unsuccessful. What I have come to realize is that THEY are in a lot of pain too. Think of detachment for a second…..we detach to insulate us from a sitch that WE deem painful. Maybe Punkin…seeing you on a holiday that THEY know MEANS a lot to you …hurts THEM.

Think of them for a second…did they want this? Probably not. Do they like slore (my nickname for OW)? Probably not. So now they are faced with having to detach, probably because they also do not want to cause YOU any pain. I doubt very much that they did not show up to hurt you. Rather, I would suspect that they just may think that it is better for you.

I suppose I should take the high road, suck it up and just continue my overtures at every opportunity,

1) I will always suggest taking the high road IF that is WHO YOU WANT to be.
2) Replace the words “suck up”…with “I will continue to show them love and try and maintain contact but I will also RESPECT what they want”.

Punkin, it is very normal for in-laws to pull away (at least IMHO)…what should not happen..is that someone else’s action change what YOU feel and want. So as I said above, I think you should continue to reach out, when it is appropriate, while at the same time considering how they feel. For example, if you see them around town and they seem uncomfortable, then try and understand their perspective and mention that they should feel comfortable contacting you or something alongs those lines e.g. my door is always open to you and I miss and love you very much".

Show them love Punkin….show them YOU!

BTW, I have not been around lately but you know where and how to reach me.

Peace
Eric