thanks again.. Well what choice do I have but to keep it together, or at least try to. I did manage to fail the exam I took for the third time so clearly I don't really have it all together as this is just unbelievable, but if you know my story you know what I'm really going through.
I was always an independent person (somewhat) so that helps me a lot to now take things better but I still had to find a suitable place to live on a budget with a dog.. What can I say.. It wasn't easy. Now I'm pretty happy, not with the apartment but at least the location.. God willing I can buy a condo next year or at least get a nicer apartment with a bedroom and balcony.. But now this is what I can or what I'll try to manage on my own, I hope to finish school in the next 8 months otherwise I'm in deep trouble, and what I really need is some time to do it without thinking about what h and ow are doing. And it's just plain disrespectful really.I read a lot in the midlife crisis section and it's amazing how similar my story is to those and how I'm still at the beginning of this whole mess.. Am I ready to go on with this for years? No not really. Our marriage was pretty bad by the end so I was hoping for a change for months before the bomb, well I got my change all right, but if that's what it takes then be it.
My husbands ex..it was a long time goof his.. I don't really know the story but Im pretty sure she left him.. Not really sure why or what happened.. My husband is from a troubled family, he attcually lost his whole immediate family one after the other by the time he was 20 So he was troubled as a young guy, drank, did drugs and the ex is a smart and educated girl and I think she didnt appreciate that kind of behavior. She has a family of her own now..
Anyways we will see how we progress.. A week from now I'll be at the new apartment, ow will most likely be here, and I'm sure I'll be a mess and updating
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
Darn, I'm sorry you failed the exam again, but maybe the next time, when you can think more clearly. You don't have too much longer before school is finished.
Maybe your H will one day see it's up to him to solve his problems rather than running away from them. Losing his whole family that way must have been tough on him, but he never learned to cope with adversity, so he escapes it with whatever.
Coping w/ something like this is very cognitively demanding. I would take comfort in knowing you will probably be improving in your exam/academic performance quite a bit once you don't have to spend so much energy dealing w/ your sitch.
I am looking forward to hearing about your life after you get away from your H. I suspect it is going to be much more vibrant and joyful than you might be able to imagine right now.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Thank you all, nice to know that ppl care for me. I mean I'm sure my friends care for me as well, but I try not to talk to them about whats going on anymore.. Nice to come here and do so.. Turns out I was somehow a day off and I'm moving tomorrow not today, I have started packing and it's going well so far, I only got a tear in my eyes once coming across an old photo.. Most likely one of the first photos of us together.. God we were so young.. Not that were old now.. But it was some time ago.. I got a cold.. So I get tired easily.. Taking a break now, not even half way done. I heard him talking to ow last night describing our rooms.. Didn't really make out what the conversation was about.. But then I heard she is planning some kind of a party here because they were talking about getting a large table. This morning h said he wants to make a table that can be extended.. I asked if he's planning a huge party.. He said not necessarily.. Whatever.
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
Hon - I know this is hard for you to hear - but his behavior is SOOOOOOOO inappropriate, SO far from norms of acceptable behavior - you don't believe it now, but your life is gonna get SOOOOO much better once you move out! And eventually, I see you with some NORMAL guy, in a happy relationship, shaking your head and wondering what you ever saw in your ex.
Have fun decorating your new place the way YOU like. Do something a little crazy (I bought bright red sofas ). Life is about to get exciting and fun, believe it or not.
I'm concerned that you don't seem to have spoken to a L?
In the U.S., all the debt he's racking up with his GF would be joint debt.
Time to grow up. This is not the man for you. He is not your lover, your partner, or your friend. He is not even minimally decent.
(1) Get out of the house ASAP, take anything you might want, you can always return stuff later, much harder to get it later.
(2) Get a L.
(3) Get tested for STDs.
(4) Get H off of your credit cards, insurance, cell phone account, everything.
(5) Quit blaming his GF. She is still pretty much a child, a very damaged hurting child who is acting out and is being used by H and plenty of other people in her life. The problem between you and your H is your H, not her. Forget her or find compassion for her. But quit obsessing about her and blaming her. She is a very damaged child engaged in a lot of self-harm. Very sad. And, while your at it, extend that compassion to yourself. He probably misused the teenager you were when you met in the same way.
(6) Stop interacting with H except for business matters, and try to let L handle those. H is not good for you. You actually seem a bit stuck in your very young adulthood a bit, probably because your VERY stuck H kept you there. When you started to mature some, he started looking for another child. Don't let him stop you from becoming a strong, happy, independent, passionate, interesting woman.
Hey, girl, ot has it right on with all he said. And I agree; take everything you want to have, because if you decide later you want something, he won't want to give it, and by then if they are using what you left, you won't want it anymore. Cooties, ya know.
And what he said about showing compassion for yourself, you do need to do that. You are a good person. I remember when I was eighteen older guys would come around to hang out with our group of friends. It's very intoxicating to have a grown up man pay that much attention to you. That is probably what got ow. And, like ot said, when she begins to mature, he will lose interest again. Maybe he is in arrested development at a certain age.
Good luck with your move tomorrow; don't let it get you down.
thanks again.. Well what choice do I have but to keep it together, or at least try to. I did manage to fail the exam I took for the third time so clearly I don't really have it all together as this is just unbelievable, but if you know my story you know what I'm really going through. 
