Thank you to everyone for your replies. I am truly on the emotional roller coaster. In answer to some of your questions:

MrBond- As for your 3 year old, whose child is it? Is it the OM's? Have they made an issue about wanting the child for themselves? Do you still love that girl?

It is POSOM's. He admitted to me that he never ran any DNA tests but that she has the same skin condition on the palms of her hands and the soles of her feet that he does. I love that little girl so much that it hurts. As far as I am concerned I am her one and only "daddy". He was just an accident at
conception.

Finah- How many years together/married? 8years together/married 7

How many children & ages, when did your oldest die? Two little girls ages 6 1/2 and 3 1/2. Oldest died Nov 29, 2010. She was 6 1/2.

When did the A begin? October 2008

Is it multiple POSOMS or just one? Just one POSOM. (One too many)

When were all these bombs dropped??? I got the DNA test results the end of May this year. I confronted her a week later while I gathered other evidence. She has truth trickled ever since.

25yrsmlc- Why was she out of state? Where were you? What were the issues YOUR W SAID you two had?

There is a pulmonologist in Madison, WI that specialized in these kids. When she would be hospitalized out of state I would stay at the hospital with her. It was never less than three weeks. My wife had told me on several occasions that she was unhappy. Guess what, I was unhappy too! All of my time was spent taking care of my terminally ill child. When I wasn't doing that I was sitting around depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

If she were here, what would SHE complain of? What are you doing about those?

I think she would complain that she tried everything to get through to me how unhappy she was. She has told me that she felt unloved, unappreciated and uncared for. Yes, she told me she was unhappy. But when that didn't work she kept trying the same thing. No change in the Medium in which the message was delivered.

After discovery and all of our talking I immediately did everything advised against in the books. I tried to talk to her, sent email clips of articles, gave her books to read, etc.

what does your coach say to do? I'm guessing she suggests, in part, to divide the problems into manageable pieces...

My coach has advised a hard 180. She has told me not to be so accesible or agreeable. Not too answer the phone when she calls or texts; but to wait awhile. Too look for tiny improvements. To extend one invite to her to do something with the family, etc. My three goals are :

1. Have WAW moved back into the house before the end of the year.

2. Have POSOM out of our lives completely and forever

3. WAW and I become best friends and lovers again.

I have not cheated on her. There have been opportunities but I have not taken them.