untethering

[aeolianchaos]

SAH Dads, (which I realize you were not- and that "worsens" this for you)
are an entity I personally have only seen work a handful of times.

I think I understand where you are coming from on this angle, and I see the merit to it. While I don't know if it was a 'deal breaker' for her, I think its something that I would probably do differently (for myself) in the future.

Keep the wall between you and your L and she and hers. Let THEM duke it out as if it's almost out of your hands..."silly wacky L's"....In short, it can't hurt to let her associate offensive or irritating legalities with the lawyer, and not you.

Well, our D will likely be quite simple relative to most. We have essentially already divided property up, and it is largely a matter of negotiating the remaining financial details. Even those may end being a few e-mails back and forth between lawyers. All in all, the money we are talking about is not much..

Sometimes you just can't win.

And sometimes, victory isn't what you think it is.

GM - I'm adding it to my queue.

That's why so many people fall for A's. If people continued to treat their spouse the way they did while they were dating, it would eliminate alot of problems.

I think it is the nature of long term committed relationships that this doesn't happen.. at least not in the same light that it used to while dating.

DBing teaches that when you do the 180 - changing behaviors that push the spouse away. That comes from understanding their POV.

I am not so sure that we can really understand their POV so much as the complaints that they have 'owned.'

I think there is another layer to it, where we have to consider that many of the resentments and grievances they hold on to they may not even be willing to own up to in the presence of their spouse. At least in my case, this seems to be a big part of it.

Maybe not in other R's - I do think the length of the R makes a difference in how effective some of these changes might be.