I'm still here part III

[thatgirl007]

I don't think I'd take my H back even if he wanted to come back. He's done so much to hurt me and my kids, he doesn't deserve us.

There you go, DG. As much as it s*cks and as much as it hurts, there you go. You deserve a man who will love you, work with you to change the things that need fixing, not be afraid of change and trust in the love that you both share to get you through life. Anything less is unacceptable.

Your STBXH has shown you that he is not that man. And you are left with your youth, your vibrancy, your vitality and your heart.

Onwards and upwards. May we never settle for less than enough ever again.

[JustStunned]

DG, You are already getting stronger, yes it s*cks to have to do it this way. You will persevere.

^^^^^ what TG posted
Now where is that ahhhh "LIKE" button

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----

I don't mean any offense to anyone here, because I am sure you know how I feel. I get sick of people telling me "It's for the best." Or "You're better off." And of course, my personal favorite "Everything happens for a reason."

No, I don't think it's for the best, or that I am better off. I most definitely don't think this is happening for any other reason other than life just plain suks sometimes. It suks and there is nothing you can do but deal with it.

I tried to get in to see my IC this week, but she is booked. They did put me on the cancellation list though. Lucky me.

Yes, I know I am sounding extremely negative tonight, I'm hoping this will pass.

[NYCPeter]

Hey DG - I hate all those blanket statements aswell.
It's tough and only the LBS can truly know what it feels like.
We need strength to get through this and we will - wishing you all the best.

[thatgirl007]

You know, I used to hate those blanket statements, too, but now I believe them. This was for the best for me. I am better off. And I don't know if everything happens for a reason but my split with my H did.

It happened so that I could wake up and stop trudging along accepting less than I needed. I would have stayed in my M forever, but it was not good for me. Now, I am a person who can recognize what's authentic and right for me and actually enforce some healthy and sane boundaries.

I'm lonely and out of sorts at times but I'm more fully the person I'm supposed to be and I'm happier.

[OmegaZed]

Just caught up on the sitch DG

I am saddened to hear this news, but don't fret. You've come so far in this time that it would be a waste to give in to your hurt and anger. Your recent apartment change is symbolic of the change in you. Yes there are the remnants of yourself under this new fresh coat of paint, but the new coat is the new you.

You've worked hard to rediscover the person you always were. Your H is down a terrible path, and he will only continue to fail. You on the other hand, have chosen to rise above the mediocrity, the pain, the anger, the hurt.

You have chosen to say you are better than that.

And you are.

Life does suk but if there is one thing I love about life, it is this:

"When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave life wondering just how the heck you did it."

Hugs and prayers DG

[~¤DG¤~]

I appreciate everyone's genuine concern for me.
I know I wouldn't be able to get through any of this without the amazing people on this board. You have all been so helpful.

TG- I think you are right. Maybe this did happen for a reason.
If we hadn't separated, then I don't think I would have been nearly as motivated to make some changes in my life.
However, it also reminds me that I wasn't the W to my H that he deserved. No, it isn't all my fault, but a big reason why he left is.

As hard as it is to not beat myself up over this, I still do.
I pushed and pushed and look what I got?

On my drive home from work I broke down.
I'm so angry right now. I'm angry that after all of this, I am still here. And where is he?

[OmegaZed]

It doesn't matter where he is now DG. What matters is where you are and where you are going. If the answer to that last one is forward, you're already one step ahead

[jbnati]

DG, you are headed to a good place. He is not headed in that direction. FWIW, it's not completely over yet. There are still more steps in the process. As I've heard here before, "It's no over until YOU say it's over."

Regardless of the outcome, I am very proud of the new DG. No one can ever take that away. The progress you've made is just staggering.

The old DG made those mistakes and you just have to own your part now. This is not the time to beat yourself up.

I have you in my prayers, DG. ((()))

[Valeska19]

(((DG)))

The feelings you are experiencing are normal. This sh!t hurts.

People say not to give in to the hurt and anger and while this is true, we cannot simply ignore it either. We must acknowledge it and feel it.. because we cannot grow without it.

After two months of allowing myself to feel the pain, the lack of fairness, doubting that God was turning a sh!tty situation into an opportunity for growth, and ever other negative feeling.. a day FINALLY came when I wanted to move forward. To move past the pain and the hurt. To allow it to be there, but not allow it to control me anymore.

I don't know you are at a point where you just want to feel all the negative feelings.. If so, then know you're feelings are valid, your anger... justified, your disbelief.. understandable, your heartbreak..real.

This is just one more step of the process. One we must go through in order to get to the other side.