untethering

[aeolianchaos]

Mr. Bond,

She is only 29, and we married when she was 25. If she isn't choosing it, who is? I think she is choosing to be the person she is being and I have doubts as to how much she recognizes that choice.

What defines growth? I think you could just as easily frame her behavior as a form of regression.

I will not argue the notion that perhaps she is availing herself of some independence and individuality. Although I am quite skeptical that this is the case. Frankly, none of us can know what her motives are.

These days, I'm a little less empathic about it.. and I suspect for me, being less empathic may be a return to equanimity.

I don't see how DB allows me to see what my WAS is thinking. I think it may put out some potential ideas or hypotheses about her perspective but I think for me to mind-read her based on a WAS archetype would be almost insulting to her. It reduces her to the pile of cliches that many WAS employ. I assume that she has her own motives and her own story she is telling herself and while it may manifest in similar ways as so many on here(ILYBINILWY for example) I think that I need to give her more credit as an individual.

Maybe I am misreading what you are saying..

I do aim to be compassionate towards her, but I think compassion does not mean that I persist in my belief that she wants to be the person that I believe she does deep down. Perhaps compassion is accepting that her choice is based on what she believes will make her happy and perhaps that kind of decision runs completely counter to what I think is necessary for creating a meaningful life. This is possible, isn't it?